Shipwrecked
by Alienfromx
Summary: Jaune Arc just can't catch a break. He thought he was going to have the first good day in a while. That was until someone came bearing bad news.
1. Chapter 1

Love comes at us from the most unusual places. Nobody knows this better than Jaune Arc, who somehow manages to find himself paired with nearly everybody in the series. He thought he was done with the bizarre pairings. Just last week he'd been forced to romantically involve himself with Kali Belladonna. As sweet as she was, Jaune couldn't help but feel that there was something weird about being in a relationship with a married woman more than twice his age. Unfortunately for him, anything could happen in the world of fiction.

Another one of these pairings came him at the worst time possible. Jaune had just dressed himself and was prepared for the day to himself when his agent showed up. Just the sight of his agent was enough to make Jaune's smile disappear. He had no idea who he would be forced to romanticize with next. Why was it always him in these weird parings?

"Please don't tell me this is another pairing," Jaune moped. "I was hoping to get the day off."  
Jaune's agent glumly smiled and stared down at the clipboard in his hands. "You're to be paired with Salem," he said quickly.

"What?" asked Jaune. It turned out his agent spoke so fast that Jaune couldn't even understand what he had said.

"Salem!" Jaune's agent shouted. "You know. Spider-hair lady? Red eyes? Skin paler than a bottle of glue? Moves like she has a Onewheel hidden underneath her dress?"

Jaune's jaw dropped immediately.

"You can't be serious," he said. "She's got to be more than five hundred times my age."

"Well it says you're up to be paired with her," said Jaune's agent. "Remember, it's not me who makes these pairings."

Jaune groaned loudly and sat himself on the sidewalk. "I just wish I could...I don't know...be with someone I can actually connect with," Jaune complained. "Remember that time I was paired with Yang? She almost broke both my arms. And Velvet apologized over every little thing. Can't I just be paired with Pyrrha or Weiss?"

Jaune's agent shook his head. "It's true that those are probably some of the biggest requests you get along with Ruby, but do you have any idea how popular they are with other pairings?"  
Jaune cocked his head.

"Very popular," said his agent. "Just don't screw this up. Okay? Your last pairing with Kali ended pretty badly."

"You'd have the same response if you met her walking mountain of a husband," said Jaune.

"Just don't embarrass yourself," said Jaune's agent before leaving.

Jaune was left to himself with nothing but dread. Salem was known all across Remnant as an antagonistic force of evil. How he was expected to have anything in common with her was a mystery he couldn't solve.

Jaune waited outside his place for Salem. Every pairing he had would start with his "other half" meeting him at his place. The pairing would commence from there until it was allowed to end.

Jaune waited, dreading what would await him. His answer came shortly in the form of a strange looking woman floating down the street.

Salem looked as terrifying as she was said to be. Jaune checked for a hint of a smile or something, but all he could see was a massive grimace that wouldn't go away.

Salem stopped right before him and looked down with a very intimidating stare.

"Are you the Arc boy I've been forced to pair with?" she asked, presenting no emotion in her voice.

Jaune nodded.

"Then bring me inside so that we can fulfill the wishes of our contractor," said Salem. "I don't wish to spend more time with you than I have to."

She walked herself right into Jaune's place without even asking. Jaune watched as she walked in and looked down at his scroll. The pairing was to only take place for a week at most. He wondered if he would lose his sanity before then.

Jaune walked closed the door to his place and found Salem sitting at his table with her eyes burning bright red at him.

"What?" asked Jaune, wondering what it was she wanted.

"Tea," said Salem.

"What?"

"TEA!" Salem shouted, slamming her fist on the table.

"You drink tea?" asked Jaune. "I see you more as the type to never drink anything."

"Cease your malignance and bring me what I demand!" Salem shouted again.

Jaune muttered to himself as he prepared Salem's tea. The thought of him spending more than a day with this woman was too much to ask for. She was probably the type who always found something to complain about. No wonder she was so intent on throwing the world into corruption.

"Here's your tea," said Jaune after he had prepared her tea.

Salem stared at tea, making Jaune start to break out in a light sweat.

She ended up taking the tea and took it all in one gulp.

"H...How did you not just burn your throat?" asked Jaune.

"The only thing that burns is my desire to throw this world into chaos!" said Salem, smirking slightly.

Jaune just rolled his eyes and took the tea.

"So what kind of things do you like doing?" he asked while washing the cup and saucer.

Salem stared straight ahead and said with no emotion, "planning the destruction of this world and the eventual takeover of civilization."

"That much is obvious," said Jaune. "But I mean….like anything else? Do you have hobbies that don't involve death and all that other stuff? Ever tried playing tennis?"

Salem's eyes slowly rolled over in Jaune's direction.

"Are you making a mockery of me?" she asked.

"No," said Jaune. "I'm just asking if you have any hobbies outside….whatever it is you do. I mean, you have a castle and everything. Don't you do anything for fun in there?"

Salem looked back at the table and stroked her chin.

"You know," she said, "I do enjoy retelling the history of this accursed planet to all who choose to listen."

Jaune felt his stomach fall. Knowing Salem, her stories would probably last the entire week they were forced to be together. As much as Jaune despised having to spend time with Salem, having to have a week long history lesson was just as unappealing. He looked around for something to do. Anything.

"I think you should try going to a park," said Jaune.

Salem's eyes turned dark red.

"And force myself to observe the frivolous lifestyles of those who inhabit this planet?" She said this like Jaune had just asked her to eat dirt.

Jaune shrugged. "Sure," he said. "Whatever. Just do this. Do you really want to spend this pairing talking about nothing?"

"I'd rather spend it turning you to my side."

Jaune sighed.

"I guess it's a start," he said.

Jaune had a long week ahead of him and he knew it wasn't going to be fun. 


	2. Chapter 2

Somehow Jaune managed to convince Salem that going to the park would be fun. He waited outside his place, anxiously glancing at the time on his scroll while waiting for Salem.

"She wears the same thing everyday and her face is already covered in permanent makeup," Jaune groaned to himself. "What could she possibly be doing in there?"

As if she had heard those words, Salem appeared behind him with her head raised high.

"Are you by any chance talking about me?" she asked.

Jaune was about to say that he was before noticing just how brightly red her eyes had become.

"No," he muttered. "I was talking about my mother."

"So you were talking about me."

"What?"

Salem held her head high and said, "You do realize that I am the mother of all things in Remnant. Do you not?"

Jaune shrugged. He'd never felt a bigger urge to leave a situation than this one.

"Yeah," Jaune muttered, "I guess I do."

Salem clasped her hands together and nodded slowly.

"As you should," said Salem. "You see, mankind has grown quite fond of recounting…"

Jaune fought back the growing urge to groan out loud. Salem had gone into another one of her monologues, and everybody knew she wouldn't stop until she finished. Jaune discreetly peeked at the scroll in his hand as Salem continued talking, noticing that they weren't that far from the park. Quietly, Jaune began to walk towards the park.

"But take heed," he heard Salem say behind her. "There will be no victory in strength."

It seemed like Salem was following him while continuing to talk. Jaune smirked to himself as he walked to the park with Salem following behind.

The park was one of the few decent places in Vale. This was the place pairs went after being contracted to hang out and possibly get involved in a romance or love triangle, depending on what the contract wanted. Jaune had been there so many times that he knew all the right places to go during various times of the day. The sun was still shining brightly, which meant that the corner would be great for him to talk and waste time with Salem.

Jaune raised his hand to point out where he wanted to go, but was stopped by Salem.

"Did you not listen to a word I said that entire time?" Salem calmly asked.

Never before had twelve words sounded so terrifying. Jaune's smirk collapsed almost immediately. How on Remnant did Salem expect him to listen to her as she droned on?

"I find your lack of interest annoying," said Salem darkly. She had a way of saying the simplest things in such an evil tone. It made Jaune shake every time she did it.

"Look," Jaune said, restraining his irritation. "I just want to get this pairing over as badly as you do. So let's sit down on that nice patch of grass over there and do...something."

"Only if you agree to cease your idiotic behavior."

"Fine."

The two of them walked over to a part of the park where the glass appeared to be a brighter shade of green than anywhere else. Jaune sat himself on the grass and smiled as the sunlight struck his face. Salem just stood by his side, staring at the side with a smile that grew wider with every second.

"Uh...are you okay?" asked Jaune.

"Oh yes," Salem said, continuing to stare right into the sun. "I'm admiring the sheer power that the sun has. A simple flare from its gaseous body is enough to burn this entire area to nothing but cinder."

"You know...looking directly into the sun like that is going to make you blind."

"My eyes became blind to this world the moment humanity formed."

Jaune frowned. "You really don't like this world much. Huh?"

"What led you to make such a ridiculous assumption?"

"All you ever talk about is watching the world burn or how much humanity has done wrong. Sounds like something someone would say if they hated the world."

Salem looked down at Jaune blankly.

"Do you wish to gain power? Knowledge? You must learn the truth of this world if you wish to acquire both."

Jaune couldn't even make an appropriate reaction. Talking to Salem was like talking to an answering machine. Everything you said would almost always lead to the same phrases or musings. It's like she only knew how to talk in monologues or vague sentences. Jaune couldn't take it anymore and decided that something had to be done.

There was something in Jaune's pocket that he had brought with him for this very occasion. It was soft and squishy, but tasty at the same time. It was a Pumpkin Pete sandwich. Jaune ate them all the time.

"What...is that?" asked Salem, her eyes squinting at the sandwich.

"It's a sandwich," said Jaune with a smile. "You eat...right?"

"Only the tears of my fallen opponents as hope exits their hearts."

"I'll take that as a no," said Jaune. He handed Salem the extra sandwich he made. She looked like Jaune had just handed her his own poop.

"Explain to me the substance that exists between the two slices of bread," she said, fixated on the sandwich.

"It's Pumpkin Pete cereal," said Jaune with his mouth full. "It's the best in all of Remnant. Eat it. You'll love it."

Salem slowly lifted the sandwich, continuing to stare it at. She lifted it to her face and opened her mouth. Jaune watched in mild amusement as she took the smallest bite and swallowed her piece without even chewing it.

There was a long and awkward silent. Jaune waited for any sign of emotion from Salem. She looked back down at the sandwich for a moment, and then took another bite. She took another after that, and then another, and then another.

"This….this is quite good," said Salem. "I demand more."

"What?" said Jaune. "You actually liked that?"

"I will not repeat myself," said Salem. "Now bring me another sandwich immediately."

"I...uh...I only made that one."

Salem's lips curved into a very disturbing grimace. "You and I will find the source of this food and take it through any means necessary." Her veins bulged as she said this. "Come with me. My allies and I have much to discuss with you."

Jaune hadn't even finished processing what he'd just heard when Salem started to leave. He expected for the two of them to talk about how much they hated being paired, and now he was somehow involved with a potential terrorist attack.

"Why couldn't I be paired with Pyrrha?" Jaune moaned out loud. He went to follow Salem as she floated away to her castle of evil. Day one hadn't even finished. Jaune wasn't sure if he'd even make to the end of the week.


	3. Chapter 3

Salem had a really nice place. It was located in the middle of nowhere, shrouded in darkness and surrounded by Grimm. It was perfect for anyone despising human interaction.

The castle itself was very large and menacing. The only problem was that it lacked bedrooms and guests were forced to sleep in chairs. Jaune shivered the entire time as he watched Grimm emerge from pools of black ooze.

"Come inside with me," said Salem, pointing to the large castle ahead of them. "There are some friends I'd like you to meet."

"You have friends?" asked Jaune. He assumed that Salem spent every day sitting in a chair hating humanity. No way would anyone want to visit when she had Grimm spawning from her front yard.

"Must you always spout every thought that enters your head?" asked Salem.

Jaune shrugged his shoulders and didn't respond. Most people would have had a lot more to say if they were in his situation.

Salem took Jaune through the entrance of the castle. It looked even bigger inside than it did outside. There was so much space and so little filling it up.

"You know...you could always get some furniture to make this place less lonely," said Jaune.

Salem looked back at him with her eyes glowing red.

"What?" asked Jaune. "You can't seriously be happy sitting in the same place every day."

"I have no need for such things," said Salem. "The conquest of this miserable planet is all I desire and all I need."

"Hopefully you'll get some furniture after doing that," Jaune mumbled under his breath.

Salem and Jaune walked into a large room with a long table in its center. There appeared to be a group of people already sitting there.

"I've returned with someone who will be of great service to us," said Jaune.

"I'm her contracted pairing," Jaune added.

One of Salem's friends stood up from his chair and walked over to Jaune. It was a man dressed in regal looking clothing. His mustache was so thick that Jaune gave it a double look just to make sure it wouldn't jump off his face and bite him.

"You brought an emaciated young man with bleached blond hair?" He asked.

"It's natural!" Jaune snapped.

"Dr. Watts," said Salem, "this young man is the key for our newest mission."

"Oh?" said Dr. Watts with a raised eyebrow. "And what's that?"

"He's going to help us acquire the vital resources from Pumpkin Pete's factory."

Dr. Watts paused, as if he was expecting more. When no answer came, his eyes twitched a little before he spoke again.

"With all due respect," he said, "There are much better places to confiscate than a cereal factory."

"I think it's wonderful!" said another one of Salem's friends. This one had a ponytail and had his eyes so wide that it looked like they were about to fall from their sockets.

"We can take all the cereal for ourselves while everybody else suffers from withdrawal, going crazy with every passing moment!" He followed up his insane idea with laughter that went on and on and on.

Being outside with the Grimm was starting to sound like a good idea to Jaune at this point.

"I object," said another friend. This time it was a burly man with a deep voice. "We shouldn't force people to suffer needlessly."

There was a sound of grunts that came from the table, but Jaune couldn't see who it was.

"Shut up, Cinder!" Watts barked.

"You understood that?" asked Jaune.

"No," said Watts. "But I can always assume that what she says isn't of any value."

"So what do you plan on doing with this boy?" asked the burly man.

"Oh! Oh!" I know!" said the crazy-eyed man. "She plans on throwing him into the factory machinery so that his guts will spill all over the cereal and tarnish its reputation forever! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"Tyrian," sighed Watts, "Sometimes I wonder why I haven't given into my urges to spike sedatives into your food."

Jaune's head moved from one person to the next. None of them appeared to be completely stable, except for the burly man. And to think that he had been expecting a break before all of this.

"I have an idea!" Jaune interrupted. "How about I leave right now and let you all figure out what to do. Sounds great, right? Right! Bye!"

He turned to leave when a cold hand touched his shoulder.

"Who gave you permission to leave?" asked the cold voice of Salem.

"Uh…"

"That's right," said Salem. "Now turn around and assist me, or you'll be forced to undergo a torture that no character ever wants."

Jaune's eyes widened. "You can't mean…." he whispered.

"Oh I do," said Salem.

"You...You'd pair me with an original character?"

Salem's lips curved into a disturbing smile.

That was every character's greatest fear in the land of shipping. Original characters were imported from places unfamiliar to Remnant. While there had been some that people spoke fondly of, most of them were absolute nightmare's to be paired with. There were stories of them being so physically flawless that it was more like looking at a statue than a person. Even worse were the tragic backstories a lot of them had, giving them a lot of emotional baggage. Jaune had once been paired with one of them. A girl who always whined about how plain and unattractive she was, even though every male in Remnant seemed to be attracted to her without the slightest effort.

Salem probably had access to some of the worst. The kind that thought they were the Gods gift to the opposite gender. The idea of being with one of those made Jaune suffer.

"Fine," Jaune said in one deep breath. "I'll do it."

"Ughhughhhhhhuhhhhh" groaned Cinder.

"Shut up, Cinder!" said Watts. "Are we ready now or not?"

"We are," said Salem. "And our plan begins right now. You are to be partnered with a new addition to our council. She's well versed in street criminality. Come out!"

There was a sound of footsteps calmly approaching them from behind. Jaune turned around to see a very short girl dressed in baggy black pants and a sleeveless black shirt. Her hair was covered by a skull cap and her mouth hidden behind a black bandana. The only feature Jaune could really see were her eyes. One was pink and the other brown.

"This is Neo," said Jaune.

"Whatever do you mean?" asked Salem.

"It's Neo!" Jaune shouted, pointing his finger at the girl. "You just dressed her up in...whatever that is."

"What a startling discovery," Watts said sarcastically. "Did you not read the entirety of your contract?"

"What?" Jaune asked. He pulled out the sheet of paper he'd been given and read it. Apparently, his contract required him to have Neo included as well for the sake of pandering.

"I don't believe this," Jaune muttered.

"Well you'd better start now," said Watts. "Now off with you two!"

"Ughuhguhguhg-"

"Shut up, Cinder!"

Jaune wasn't sure what was going to happen next, only that it was probably going to have a bad outcome. He only knew one thing for certain: his agent was definitely going to get fired after this. 


	4. Chapter 4

"So, uh, Neo..." said Jaune, watching as Neo pressed a couple buttons on her scroll. "Are you going to talk to me in emojis this entire time?"

Neo responded by shoving her scroll in his face to show the winking emoji she had on the screen.

"Great," Jaune muttered to himself.

"Miss Neo manages to say a lot in very few words," said Salem. She was walking right beside Jaune with a very large Grimm following them both. Jaune couldn't help but feel that the Grimm was sizing him up to eat.

"But she isn't even using words," said Jaune. "They're just symbols on a scroll."

Jaune felt a tap on his shoulder and looked down again. Neo was now showing him a raised fist emoji, screaming face in terror, and a kitchen knife. He didn't like what that implied at all.

"It appears we're finally here," said Salem.

Pumpkin Pete's factory was located in the last place you'd expect to find it: Only about thirty kilometers from where Salem lived. You could see the smoke stacks from the windows of her home. Standing outside of it was a dancing person in a Pumpkin Pete costume. It seemed pointless to have him there when there weren't any people to see him.

"Go and ask that young man right there what he'd like in exchange for his base of operations," said Salem.

"Uhhh….I'm pretty sure that's just a mascot," said Jaune.

"SILENCE!" Shouted Salem. "You will go and ask him what it is he wants."

"Fine," Jaune shrugged.

Jaune reluctantly walked up to the mascot with Neo by his side. She held up her scroll to the dancing mascot's face.

"UH HUH HUH UH HUH HUH!" The mascot laughed. "I don't speak in symbols. I'm just a bunny! UH HUH HUH UH HUH HUH!"

"She's asking if you'd….uh...like anything in exchange for the factory," said Jaune.

The mascot stopped dancing and leaned its face very closely to Jaune's. Jaune leaned forward and heard the mascot say, "kiiiiiillll meeeeeeee."

SPLAT

Not even a second passed and the mascot's head had been completely blown off.

"WHOA! WHOA! WHOA!" Jaune screamed. "What was that?"

"I merely indulged him," said Salem. "The factory is now ours."

Neo held up her scroll and showed Jaune a thumbs up emoji.

Jaune sighed. "Shouldn't we be eating dinner together or doing...you know, stuff that most _normal_ pairs do?"

"And why should I repeat the actions of the masses?" asked Salem. "We're going above and beyond what most pairings do. We aren't going to get our food. We're going to capture the source and bring it to us!"

Jaune scratched the back of his head and almost smiled. What Salem said would have been strangely sweet if there wasn't a dead person lying right in front of him.

"So, uh, what's with the Grimm?" asked Juane.

The Grimm in question was a giant Beringel that kept making grunting noises. It was much larger than even the dragon Grimm and looked like it could crush Jaune with its little toe.

"He'll be doing all the heavy duty," said Salem.

She jerked her head in the direction of the Grimm and said, "Move it."

The Grimm moved toward the factory and lifted it with one loud grunt. Jaune could see bits of Pumpkin Pete cereal falling from the windows as it lifted the building.

"Where do you plan on putting that?" he asked.

"Somewhere behind my home," said Salem. "It will probably go next to the mountain of petitions to bring Pyrrha back."

"I'll pretend I didn't hear that."

"Then let's go."

"You actually managed to do it?" asked Watts. He was standing in the back of Salem's castle and looking at the factory just sitting there. "And what do you plan on doing with it?"

"Simple," said Salem. "We'll have an endless supply of food just for us. Everyone else will have one less source of nutrition to enjoy."

"I'd hardly call a cereal brand nutritious."

"Uhhgghuhuh."

"Shut up, Cinder!"

"I still can't believe I just committed a crime," Jaune moaned.

"Crimes are only crimes when someone witnesses it," said Salem. "What we just did was relocate a factory. I see no harm in that."

"Sure," said Jaune. "We'll go with that."

"I thought you would be happy," said Salem.

"Um, why?"

"Because now we can do what I know you've always wanted to do as a pair."

"And that's?"

"We can enjoy a pleasant evening at the table."

"With Pumpkin Pete sandwiches?"

Salem grabbed Jaune by the collar and shook him. "Do you mean to say that the idea isn't appealing to you?"

Jaune weakly shook his head.

"Good," Salem smiled. "Our first day is almost over and I plan to make it worthwhile. Goodbye."

She dropped Jaune and floated away, leaving him to question his life.

"Looks like you've got quite the evening ahead of you," said Watts. "I must warn you. Salem has...interesting tastes."

Jaune eyed the jellyfish Grimm that was floating around and groaned very, very loudly.


	5. Chapter 5

"...Dust. By definition, it is a naturally occurring…."

Jaune could feel his brain slowly melting away as Salem continued to ramble on about dust and other aspects of Remnant that he'd heard over and over. You see, Salem wasn't just content with letting people know what she knew. She made sure you remembered by repeating it over and over again.

"I'd rather have Cardin shove my head in a toilet right now," Jaune grumbled to himself.

"Excuse me?" asked Salem.

Jaune took a long sigh.

"You've gone over every World Of Remnant four times," he complained. "Is it really necessary for me to listen to them again?"

"Do you find my narration dull?" Asked Salem. "Perhaps you're sick. You haven't even touched your sandwich."

She was looking at the untouched Pumpkin Pete sandwich in front of Jaune. He normally loved the sandwiches, but the fact that his kept twitching was enough of a reason for him not to eat it.

Jaune weakly shook his head.

"More for me," said Salem. She then grabbed the sandwich and stuffed it in her mouth without even taking a bite.

"Is there anything else you want to talk about?" asked Jaune. "You know...sentimental stuff?"

"Well…." said Salem, gazing thoughtfully up at the ceiling. "...you could tell me about your friend with the silver eyes."

"Freddy Fazbear?"

"No!" Salem said, shoving her face so close to Jaune's that he could feel her breath. "You know exactly who I'm speaking of."

"Right," said Jaune. "I know. Ruby. But isn't there anything else you like? You know...more than that?"

Salem smiled at Jaune before flicking the tip of his nose with her finger.

"You really are a cheeky boy," she said as her smile grew wider. Salem was probably one of the few people you never wanted to see smiling. It almost always meant that something bad would follow.

"I'd like you to meet a good friend of mine," said Salem as she stood up from her seat. Jaune could see something slowly floating from over her shoulder. It made a strange bubbly noise as it moved, making him feel very uncomfortable.

"Uh...what is that?" asked Jaune.

"This?" said Salem innocently. "This is just a Grimm."

"I see that. What is it doing here?"

"My friend is here to make things….interesting."

"Something tells me that it's going to involve a lot of things I'd rather not imagine."

Salem's smile grew so wide that her teeth began to show. They were very clean for someone who seemingly didn't care about hygiene.

"And what's wrong with that?" she asked. "You don't want to indulge in my fantasies?"

"No," Jaune sputtered. "I really wouldn't. I'm serious too. I'll eat my contract and jump out the window if you make that thing do what I think you want it to do."

Salem glanced at the Grimm and frowned. Jaune could hear her breathing pick up as her veiny fists clenched.

"You disappoint me," Salem grunted. "I suppose I should introduce you to Autumn Rose."

"Who?"

"An original character."

"Oh shi-"

"She's the daughter of Raven Branwen and Summer Rose, created through magic that not even I possess. She's part Grimm, part tribal, and disturbed by her abusive past."

"How do you know so much about her?"

Salem's grin returned again. "Isn't it obvious?" she asked. "I created her."

There were loud footsteps that shook the room. Jaune looked for a fork to stab himself with, but there were unfortunately none to be found.

"IS THAT BAAAAAAE?" A voice roared through the room.

"Son of a Belladonna," Jaune gasped.

The girl was so tall that her head nearly touched the ceiling. She looked like Ruby with long black hair and muscular thighs that were capable of breaking trees in half. Jaune was hoping that he'd drop dead when she walked in.

"Welcome, Autumn," Salem said with a smile. "Please do what you want with this boy while I attend to….other matters."

"LES MAKE SNOO SNOO!" Autumn squealed.

Jaune felt his heart shrivel away to nothing as Autumn pounced on him, breaking part of the table along with part of Jaune's spirit.


	6. Chapter 6

"Noo," Jaune moaned to himself. "No more Snoo Snoo! Make it Stop!"

"Jaune," said Salem calmly.

"No more!"

"Jaune!" Salem shouted.

Jaune's eyes shot open at the sound of hre voice. HE looked around and found himself lying on the hard floor with Salem looking above him.

"What happened?" he asked.

"You choked on your sandwich and fainted," said Salem. "Then you had a weird dream about being, in your own words, 'pummeled' by an original character."

Jaune felt his face beging to burn when Salem mentioned that. He noticed that there was nobody around but the two of them. This could only mean one thing.

"Was it you who saved me?" he asked, reaching to touch Salem's hand.

"No," said Salem abruptly. "I had Doctor Watts give you CPR."

Jaune lifted his head even further and saw Watts standing in the corner, stroking his mustache while winking at Jaune.

"Do you think you could erase my memory or something?" Jaune asked Salem. "I kind of want to forget I never heard what you just said."

"Nonsense," said Salem. "Painful memories only make you stronger. I have many of my own."

"Like what?" asked Jaune. He was genuinely curious. Something awful must have happened to make Salem the way she was.

"Kids at school used to say that I looked like someone who'd been baptized in bleach."

"And that was it?"

"Gods no. There was also the time I was given four idiotic henchmen who struggled to defeat four teenage girls."

Jaune could hear Watts shifting uncomfortably as Salem said that.

"But why focus on the bad?" asked Jaune. "Aren't there any good memories?"

Salem looked up and stroked her chin for a couple seconds.

"There was that time I thought Ozpin died," she said. "I would have loved to have his body here so I could dissect it and use his intestines to decorate my palace."

"That's lovely," Jaune mumbled, "but what if you kept his intestines inside his body? Wouldn't that be nice?"

"I suppose," Salem said, sounding like it was an idea she'd never thought of before. "It means I could at least make him suffer by stuffing razors in his food."

"See?" said Jaune. "Now we're getting onto something! Okay, so how about I mention one more thing?"

"Go ahead."

Jaune took one last deep breath before speaking. He knew that whatever he said could go well or wrong for him. Autumn Rose may have been a dream, but there was no telling if Salem actually had original characters like that. Even if she hadn't been real, Jaune could still feel the cellulite slapping against his face.

"What's one thing you've always wanted? And don't say anything about taking over the world. Just think. What's one thing you've always wanted?"

Salem stared at Jaune, eyes burning red. He looked over at Watts for reassurance and got nothing but an awkward eyebrow raise.

"How do I know that the information I'm about to give you won't be used for the nefarious schemes of your allies?"

"Because Ruby's probably too busy getting her face sat on by Penny."

"What?"

"Nothing. Just believe me when I say that I won't tell anybody your secret."

"Watts," said Salem loudly. "I request your absence immediately."

"As you wish," said Watts with a bow. He then turned away and walked out of the room.

Salem waited until she could no longer hear his footsteps and leaned closely to Jaune's ear.

"I've always wanted to experience an emotional moment."

Jaune could feel the muscles in his jaw loosen as it fell open.

"But isn't that what we're trying to do?" asked Jaune.

"It's not the same," said Salem. "I do these pairings because I need to, but I've always wanted to see what it's like to engage in a truly emotional moment. You see, I'm a very powerful woman. I can have you made into my servant for life or give you power beyond your imagination. Unfortunately, my henchmen aren't the best of companions. Ask me why."

"W-Why?" Jaune stuttered.

"Because they have the emotional chemistry of a urine sample. Every day of my life is spent standing in place and staring at my backyard, imagining what the rest of the world will look like under my control. You wouldn't believe how exhausting it can be to have incompetents working for you."

Jaune looked away and blinked a couple of times. This didn't sound like Salem. Salem was emotionless, cold, obsessed with conquest. Was this a sign that she trusted him, or was he just digging himself into a hole. You could never tell with Salem. He had to ask her what he was thinking.

"So do you think I could show you that emotional moment?" Jaune asked, reaching for Salem's hand so he could grab it dramatically.

"No," said Salem.

Jaune felt his heart sink. "Why?" he asked.

"Because you're a pussy."

Jaune felt his heart shatter into pieces and fall into an incinerator.

"You really don't have to be so blunt about that," said Jaune.

"I can't help it," said Salem. "I only speak in vague terms when it comes to plot points."

Jaune sighed and rolled his head back. The moon was beginning to set outside and nothing had been achieved. At this rate, he'd be lucky if he even got Salem to pat his shoulder. It was then that Jaune remembered something that he'd forgotten. Women loved being serenaded. It may not have worked with Weiss, but that was only because her dad smacked all the good taste in music out of her head. Salem was different. She was a woman and would adore his song. Jaune had a goofy grin on his face that continued to grow as he thought of it.

"Excuse me," he said to Salem. "May I be excused?"

"I don't see why not," said Salem. "I'll just be here imagining the world under my control. "

"Sounds great!" said Jaune. "I'll be off, uh, angsting over Pyrrha!"

Jaune ran outside and went to find the woman named Cinder. Salem probably wouldn't appreciate an acoustic song by Jaune, but she would probably love a death metal song with Cinder as the lead singer. This was an idea that had almost no chance of failing. Jaune was sure of it.


	7. Chapter 7

Jaune found Cinder in her room with the lights off. She was just staring at a computer screen with bloodshot eyes, typing furiously.

"Uhhh. Are you okay?" asked Jaune.

Cinder's eye moved in Jaune's direction, glaring at him.

Jaune sighed and looked around the room. Cold was playing in the background and there appeared to be entire cartons of ice cream lying around the room.

"Bad day, huh?" asked Jaune.

"Ugh Ughhh ugh ughh," said Cinder.

Jaune sighed. This conversation could potentially go on forever.

"I know this is pretty sudden and random of me, but would you want to be the lead singer of my death metal song?"

Cinder stopped typing and looked at Jaune curiously, at least that's what Jaune interpreted it as. Cinder's face had just as many expressions as her voice.

"It's for Salem," Jaune quickly added. "I'm going to make a song that I think she'll like, but I don't exactly have the voice for it. That's where you come in."

Jaune raised his eyebrows and winked at Cinder, hoping that she'd get the message.

Cinder rolled her eyes at him and went back to typing.

"Come on!" Jaune shouted. "Whatever you're doing on there can't be more important than this!"

In a fit of frustration, Jaune grabbed the computer from Cinder and looked at it. She was on a fansite for Team RWBY and leaving mean comments wherever she could.

One particular comment read, "Team RWBY getting character development is like waiting for a solar eclipse to happen where you live. You'll probably be dead before it happens."

"Trolling?" asked Jaune. "You went from being a feared and powerful antagonist...to...to an internet troll?"

Cinder looked away and pouted.

"You're definitely coming with me," said Jaune. He flipped on the light switch in her room, causing Cinder to hiss at him like a cat.

After dragging Cinder out of her room, Jaune had her set up in Salem's basement. The basement was more like a large dungeon where various torture devices could be found. It was as metal as it got.

"Who's that?" Jaune asked as Cinder sat down. There was a woman standing beside her with green hair.

"I'm her translator," said the girl. "Name's Emerald Sustrai."

"How did you-"

"I picked up Cinder's SOS signal."

"That's what those grunts were?"

Emerald nodded.

"Whatever," Jaune shrugged. "Let's just get on to rehearsal."

"Ughh Ughh Ughh GUhhu!" Cinder groaned.

"UGHHH!" Jaune growled. "What is it now?"

"She says she wants nothing to do with you and would rather be back in her room," said Salem.

Jaune slammed his palm against his forehead and took a deep breath. So many things had gone wrong throughout the day and the last thing he needed was this.

"Can I ask why she doesn't want to be here," Jaune said with forced kindness. It was clear to everyone else that he was fuming underneath. The heavy breathing and dark red face gave it away.

Cinder leaned over to Emerald and grunted something in her ear. Emerald then stood up and said, "She says it's because 'you's a bitchass.' Her words, not mine."

Jaune felt his entire body shake as he tried his best to suppress the anger building up.

"Look," he said through a tightened mouth, "All I'm asking is for you to sing me one song. Just one. Do you think you can do that?"

Cinder and Emerald looked at each other for a moment and smirked.

"She says she'll do it," says Emerald.

"Good," said Jaune. "I was seriously considering the thought of throwing you both into the Iron Maiden over there."

After talking a bit with Cinder and Emerald, Jaune finally had a workable idea. He would sing a random song while playing electric guitar. Cinder would sing a few songs from a song he wrote and Emerald would use her semblance to make it seem like they actually sounded good. It was completely foolproof and would put Jaune in a favorable position with Salem.

"The song I've written is about a young girl pained by the loss of a loved one. Forced to endure life without a mother figure, this young girl argues against her inner self and the spirit of her mother."

"Red Like Roses Part Two?" asked Emerald. "Did you even try to write something original? This isn't even death metal."

"This is the death metal _cover_ ," said Jaune with an arched eyebrow. "Sing it, Cinder!"

Cinder held up her sheet and began to sing the lyrics. They were loud, booming, and pretty intense. Jaune was almost surprised that this kind of voice was coming from Cinder of all people.

"This is going to be great!" Jaune said after the song had been finished. "Cinder, you're going to be a death metal legend after this!"

"I'm glad to hear that," said Cinder. "I've needed some way to get over my crippling eye loss."

Jaune and Emerald both gasped at what they were hearing.

"C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-CINDER!" Jaune shrieked, causing his voice to crack. "WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR VOICE?"

Cinder clasped her hands around her throat and gasped. "No…." she whispered. "It came back, and so suddenly too!"

Jaune bit his lips and kicked at the wall. "Damn it!" He shouted. "Shit! Shit! SHEEEEEEEEEEIT!"

"It appears your plan is a failure after all," said Emerald. "It's a shame too. I was honestly enjoying the song."

"It isn't over yet," said a very deep voice. It was deeper than any other voice Jaune had heard. Everybody looked to see who this mysterious voice belonged to.

"I have come to save you all," said Neo.

Jaune looked at Emerald, hoping she was pulling some kind of illusion. To his shock, Emerald was just as stunned as he was.

"Ummm...have you always...you know," Jaune said awkwardly.

"Had this voice?" asked Neo. She chuckled in her strangely deep voice. "That's a mystery that shall remain unanswered. For now, allow me to sing your song for you."

"I'm really expecting to wake up from another dream," said Jaune. "This is too weird for me to believe."

"I still can't believe I have my voice back," said Cinder.

"Too bad the same can't be said about your eye," Jaune joked. He could feel her fingers pressing into his shoulders like a steel claw.

Even with Cinder dislocating his shoulder, Jaune couldn't help but smile. Things were finally starting to look up.


	8. Chapter 8

Author's Note: Sorry about the iffy format of this chapter. The computers I used were pretty old and both died around the same time, much to my luck. I'm typing everything else on the iPad for now and it's incredibly tedious, even with a wireless keyboard. I'll hopefully have a decent computer sometime in the near future, but the ipad's going to have to do for now.

"Uh, Salem?" Jaune asked as he poked his head inside Cinder's room. Salem had a large and empty room with one chair that she sat in. Jaune noticed some voodoo dolls that resembled members of Team RWBY. The Yang one had its arm ripped off and the Blake one had a spike stuck in its stomach. The Ruby one had a piece of fluff pinned next to it that read, "Personality."

"What are you doing?" Jaune asked as he walked inside.

"Oh, nothing," said Salem wearily. "I'm just watching replays of Team RWBY's greatest losses. It helps to make me feel like less of a complete failure."

"How would you feel if I said I got you something special?"Jaune asked.

"I would probably smile a little and then demand to know what it was," said Salem. "Did you bring me the severed head of your silver eyed friend?"

"No," said Jaune. "Even better,-"

"The rotting corpse of dear, sweet, Ozpin?"

"No! I brought you music."

Salem slumped in her chair and sighed very loudly.

"Must you waste my time with such foolishness?" She asked. "You're like a Grimm. Relentless, obnoxious, and only wanting my attention when you think I'll feed you."

"Just hear me out and listen!"Jaune said. He ran over to Neo, Cinder, and Emerald. "Don't mess this up for me," he whispered pleadingly.

"You can count on me," said Neo.

"Please don't talk anymore than you have to," said Jaune. "I'm still not used to your voice."

"Understood."

"Everybody else okay?"

"Remind me why I'm here again?" Asked Emerald. "I've only been standing here awkwardly the entire time."

"You provide moral support for Cinder," said Jaune. "Now let's go!"

"Do you really think I have the patience to sit through your bumbling incompetence?" Asked Salem. "I would have asked Cinder to bring me the silver eyed girl if I wanted more of that."

"Just a minute!"Jaune shouted. "I just need to make sure everyone is okay!"

"I think you're the one who needs to be checked up on," said Cinder.

"Shut up, Cinder!" Jaune snapped. "Now get out there and create some art with your vocal chords!"

Jaune shoved Cinder and Neo ahead while he got his guitar out.

"THis song is called 'Red Like Roses, Part Two,' and it's dedicated to my….uh…..partner, Salem."

"This is that silver eyed girls song," Salem Shrugged. "What makes you think I want to hear more of this?"

"Believe me,"said Jaune with one hand raised, "You will after this."

Jaune raised his hands to start the song. He could hear Cinder providing backup vocals while he played his guitar. It was all so brilliant. The chords he played, Cinders backup. The only problem was the lack of a voice:Neos.

"NEO?" Jaune called out while playing. "Aren't you going to sing?"

Neo shrugged her shoulders.

Jaune was about to demand that she sing when he felt a tap on his shoulder. It was Emerald.

"I hate to tell you this,"she whispered in Jaune's ear, "but she can

T sing. I just made that illusion because I felt sorry for you."

Jaune's fingers slowed down dramatically as the reveal hit him. Cinder noticed and stopped singing as well.

"Are you done?" Asked Salem.

"I'm….afraid so,"Jaune said with one gulp.

"Fantastic," said Salem.

Jaune's head perked up. "You mean you liked it?"Maybe things really were working out.

"God's, no!" Salem chuckled. "I'm just relieved that it's finally over. Promise me you'll never damage my ears like that again."

Jaune felt his back arch as he hunched over even more in shame. "Yeah…." he said glumly. "I can do that."

"Looks like you aren't a total failure,"said Cinder with a pat on Jaune's shoulder.

"Yes I am," said Jaune. "Nothing I've done has made her happy. I'm going to have a bad pairing on my permanent record and get stuck with OC's and Neptune for the rest of my life."

"It could be worse,"said Cinder. "You can be paired with a dead man throughout most of your career like me."

"Good point," said Jaune.

Neo walked up to Jaune and Cinder with a smirk on her face. She didn't seem fazed by anything that had just happened.

"YOu have something to say?" Jaune asked.

Neo responded by kicking Jaune directly in the crotch. He groaned loudly and fell to his knees.

"I think that's her way of saying goodbye," said Cinder.

"That's one way to say it," Jaune moaned as he fell to the floor.

Day one had passed and Jaune had made minimal progressed. At least it was some progress.


	9. Chapter 9

Warning: The following work of fiction contains maximum lewdness, explicit descriptions, and exposure to RWBY smut. Enter at your own risk.

Author's note: So yeah. This is about to be a thing. I read a comment where somebody asked about them banging and I figured, "why not?" This chapter was also typed with an iPad, so please excuse the iffy format and occasional grammar misstep. This baby-sized

keyboard is going to give me carpal tunnel syndrome.

Update: I fixed some small errors that were bothering me. There's more that I'll probably fix up here and there.

Jaune slipped into a part of Salem's castle where nobody else would be. It was here where he could finally take a breath and think about how things were going.

"Excuse me," said a hulking voice from behind.

"What is it?"Jaune groaned. "Can't you see I'm miserable enough?"

Jaune turned around some more and found Hazel looking right at him. The man was a lot more intimidating when he stood directly behind you. His broad shoulders looked like they could hold up entire pillars.

"Salem would like a word with you," he said calmly.

Jaune sighed loudly. "What did I do now?"

"Nothing that I know of,"said Hazel. "Just come."

Jaune wanted to object and probably would have if Hazel wasn't the size of a small car.

"Sure," he said glumly.

Hazel escorted Jaune all the way to Salem's room. A place that usually meant nothing good for Jaune.

"Look," said Jaune once they reached the door to Salem's room. "Can't you just tell me what she wants from me?I know she had some kind of mission or whatever for you to solve, so just tell me what it is now."

"She just said for me to bring you,"said Hazel. He opened the door and looked down at Jaune.

Jaune looked up at Hazel, expectedly, as if he was waiting for him to say something else. Hazel didn't do anything.

Jaune walked right in, very slowly. He wasn't sure what he was going to find inside. To make matters worse, Hazel loudly slammed the door behind him. Jaune was now left alone with Salem.

"Come in," said Salem. Her voice sounded different, almost sultry.

Jaune walked over to the center of the room. Her throne had been replaced with a bed that had large sheets covering all four sides.

"Uhhh…..what is this?"asked Jaune.

"Your surprise," said Salem.

Jaune stared at the bed, waiting for a Grimm to show up.

"Pull the sheets away," said Salem.

Jaune quickly nodded and did as he was told. What he found behind the sheets really was a big surprise. Salem was lying on the bed with her hair down and eyes looking pleadingly up at him. There was something about her gray hair and sickly pale skin that aroused Jaune. Perhaps it was because he could see that there was an attractive woman behind the menacing appearance.

"You've pleased me today with the capture of the factory," said Salem. "I'd like to reward you in the way I know best."

"What do you mean?"

"Oh please," Salem snickered. "How else do you think I turned men like Lionheart and Watts to me? Tenacity? Fear? Of course not. I gave them the one thing Ozpin couldn't."

Jaune stared at Salem's body as she posed seductively. She had a surprisingly curvy figure underneath her black dress. "You gave them power?"He asked naively.

"Of course not," said Salem. "I gave them the satisfaction that only a woman can give. I'm about to do the same with you."

"What?" Jaune asked. Salem reached out and yanked Jaune by his shirt collar, dragging him onto the bed with her.

"I'm about to give you the satisfaction of a night with me."

Salem shoved Jaune's head towards hers and gave him a long, sensual kiss. Her mouth was deathly cold and her breath felt like mist seeping into his mouth. Jaune carefully raised his hand and cupped it around Salem's face. Her veins were kind of soft and felt kind of good against Jaune's fingertips.

Jaune couldn't resist the urge he felt and grew deeper into the kiss, allowing himself to fall prey to Salem's temptations.

Without another word, Salem revealed more of herself. Jaune couldn't

Help but gawk at her shiny skin and curves. His hand moved further down Salem's body as if it were all through instinct. He felt a piece of flesh that felt different from the rest of Salem. His fingers moved around the flesh in a motion that seemed to please Salem, judging by the way her breathing picked up.

"Are you enjoying this?"asked Jaune.

Salem responded with a light sigh.

Jaune continued to let his fingers pleasure Salem. Every sigh she gave off made his head swell with joy. To think that someone like him would be doing such a thing with someone like Salem. It was completely unheard of, and it would stay that way if he had anything to say about it.

It wasn't long before Jaune found his body rubbing against Salem's. Now the two of them were really connected. His body felt every movement she made and the same would happen for her. Salem really could give him unspeakable pleasure. She knew how to move in just the right way and always had a surprise prepared for him. The night could have gone on forever and Jaune wouldn't have cared. Forget the moon. Having it shattered would mean that he could finally spend this much time with Salem whenever he wanted. He had would fulfill her duties. Less moon meant more bedtime.

"Salem," Jaune groaned as he felt a stirring sensation in his body. "I'm about to-"

"No need to tell me,"said Salem. "There's a reason I'm regarded as a mother to all."

Jaune closed his eyes and let the-

"What on earth is this tripe?" Watts asked, holding up six sheets of paper.

Jaune gasped and grabbed them from him. "Th-th-that's just my RWBY fanfiction!" he shrieked.

"It read more like cheap smut," said Watts. "I had no idea you felt that way about Salem."

"Sometimes I just need to get my rocks off every once in a while!"said Jaune. "You would know about that, being a doctor and all."

"I'm not sure writing….whatever that was….is the best way to go about doing that."

"Just shut up and let me fantasize!" Jaune shouted as he ran away.

"Poor boy," said Watts after Jaune had left. "He probably sleeps with a body pillow too."

Author's personal message:Please...forgive me...


	10. Chapter 10

Author's Note: I'm finally back to using a decent keyboard and my fingers couldn't be happier. It also looks like a snowstorm is going to keep me stuck inside, so why not use that time to work on this story some more?

Juane was summoned shortly after talking to Watts. Salem was sitting at the end of a table that was even longer than the one she and her friends normally sat in. It looked like it would take a person six minutes just to reach the other side.

"Sit down," said Salem. "We have much to discuss."

Jaune awkwardly shuffled to the chair closest to him and sat in it. He wasn't looking forward to what she had to say.

"Uh….hi," said Jaune as he nervously stared at the table.

"Watts has informed me of a rather...graphic depiction of me." As if to make Jaune feel even worse, Salem pulled up the sheets of paper that composed Jaune's fanfiction. Her sickly looking fingers flipped through every single page as her eyes continued to focus on Jaune.

"I must admit that your description of me is...interesting. 'Curvy' is not a word I would use to describe my figure. People like you are such simpletons."

Every word felt like a wooden stake being dug into his chest. Jaune wanted to disappear entirely as Salem continued to flip through the pages and make faces of disgust.

"I think I've had enough of this," she said with one curl of her nose. "I asked you here because I have one question to ask of you."

"Does the question involve that...uh-"

"Revolting smut?"

"Do you really need to say it like that?"

"I think so."

Jaune slumped in his chair some more and swallowed. "So what's the question."

"Answer this for me, Mister Arc. What do you think I do when I see a little girl cheerfully walking down the street with a balloon in her hand?"

"Kill her?" Jaune asked sheepishly.

"Of course not," Salem scoffed. "I pop the balloon and watch her suffer. Mister Arc... I'm a very unhappy person. I spend every day looking like an Eldritch meth addict. Much of my time is spent on plotting the destruction of this world, only to have them ruined by a dysfunctional group of angsty teenage girls. Can you see why I have little patience for nonsense?"

"...uh...what's with this reveal?" Jaune asked.

Salem groaned and slammed her head against the table. "I'm trying to tell you that I need a break from nonsense. You and I are stuck together for six more days. We either make this work or I force you to spend time with my latest OC."

Jaune felt his eyes twitch as visions of Autumn Rose entered his mind.

"I think we can do this," said Jaune. He hoped they would. The next day would be different for sure.


	11. Chapter 11

A lot has happened since Jaune and his adventures came to late. Volume five came to an end and Cinder is now presumably dead. All is silent in Salem's Lot ™ and Jaune can only hope that things will get better.

Everybody stood silently, watching as Salem stared down at a recently frozen Cinder Fall.

"What happened?" Jaune whispered to Watts.

"It appears that young Cinder has officially become the Winter Maiden," said Watts.

"That...that doesn't answer anything…"

"She was frozen solid and is presumed dead. We're not going to know until volume six, so for now she's nothing more than a fancy paperweight."

Jaune looked back at the frozen block of ice that was Cinder. He didn't know much about aura, magic, or any of that stuff. Despite this, something told him that Cinder was either dead or close to it.

"She's damn lucky is what she is," said Salem. "The girl's agent was overjoyed at the large number of requests to have her shipped with Raven Branwen. She's managed to avoid the inevitable fate of incompatible ships."

Hazel nodded. "It appears she has," he said with one huff. "I've had the unfortunate fate of being shipped with Ozpin and Qrow. It makes me wish that there were Cyanide dust crystals to shove in my body."

"Don't say such things," said Salem. "Avoiding a pairing is the cowards way out. You and I both know that fate leads us to things that we may find unpleasant."

As everybody else talked, Jaune leaned over to Cinder's ear.

"Hey," he whispered. "Sorry about calling you all those things and trying to kill you earlier. Sucks that you're stuck in limbo, but that's just life."

"What are you doing?" Watts asked, eyeing Jaune as he whispered in Cinder's ear.

"He's probably planning the next chapter of his smut," said Tyrian, licking his lips wildly. "It'll probably involve him penetrating her as she-"

"Enough of your fantasies," said Watts. "I'd rather have you keep it to yourself."

"Sooooo is she just going to sit there?" asked Jaune. "Because that's going to be really awkward during dinner."

"She will remain her," said Salem sternly. "Let this be a lesson to all of you. Do not be a scrub, or else you end up meeting a fate like this."

There was a deathly silence at this statement.

"And now we shall sit here and plot until Volume six."

"What does 'plotting insist of?" asked Jaune. "I thought you had an entire plan figured out."

"We do," said Salem, "But Cinder being in limbo has made things….difficult. I think it's time that I sent my OC out to wreak havoc."

"Is it Autumn Rose?" Jaune whimpered

"What? No. This is much better. He's the son of Yang Xiao Long and Blake Belladonna…."

"What?" Jaune was so shocked that he almost choked on the oxygen he inhaled. "H-How is that even-"

"Never underestimate the lack of logic that comes with shipping," said Salem. "Anything is possible."

A door opened behind them and in walked a very tall boy with a very muscular body and long black hair. He possessed Ember Celica and Gambol Shroud. His eyes were a bright magenta color and on top of his head were large ears that resembled a coyote.

"Meet Sinbad Belladonna-Long," said Salem. "I borrowed him from a very...eccentric shipper."

"I live in pain and inflict sorrow upon the weak," said Sinbad.

"You can't be serious," said Jaune. "This guy is a walking edgelord."

"And that's the point," said Salem. "Adam Taurus has become a scrublord and the only way to fix such a problem is by introducing an edgelord. Now go, young Sinbad, and make the world feel your power."

"As you wish," said Sinbad, and he walked away without another word.

"Where's he going?" asked Jaune.

"To do exactly as I told him," said Salem. "Now leave me alone as I go and stare at the moon some more."

"Can I join you?"

"NO!"

Jaune took a deep sigh and sat against the wall.

"Don't worry too much," said Watts. "The last person who was shipped with Salem didn't make the cut either."

Jaune slowly looked up at Watts and asked, "Who was the last person she was paired with?"

"Tyrian."

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHFJDHJDSGJLKDHSFLKJHSDJKFDSjkf!"


	12. Chapter 12

"Can you please get yourself out of that ridiculous position?" Watts asked impatiently. Jaune had been curled up in a fetal position ever since he'd heard of Salem's last pairing. What if he failed and ended up like Tyrian? Tyrian had once been a normal person with a promising career and future. People would walk by and cheerfully refer to him as "Mister Sting."

All of that changed when Tyrian was paired with Salem. At first things looked like they could work out, but then Tyrian found himself rejected and humiliated by Salem. With nowhere else to go and little faith in human woman, Tyrian turned to waifus and disappeared from society. Months later, one of Tyrian's old friends went to check on Tyrian at his apartment. He claimed that the front door smelled like rotten cheese nips and sweat, already indicating something was off. Worried about Tyrian, his friend slammed open the door and found the walls covered in posters of waifus. Waifu plushies sat on every piece of furniture and Tyrian himself was on the floor making out with a body pillow of Salem.

"I can't believe I'm next," said Jaune. "I'm going to be doing who knows what. All because I couldn't pass a pairing!"

"Stop your moaning," Watts shrugged. "Look, I'll help you out if it means I won't have to listen to you anymore."

"Y...You mean it?"

"Yes. Now sit up and listen to me."

Jaune did as he was told and leaned in.

"There's one thing, and one thing only that you can do to make Salem happy."

"What?" Jaune could feel his heart beating wildly as the anticipation grew.

"Kill yourself."

Jaune's face fell into a very miserable pout that made even Watts feel somewhat bad.

"Don Bluth looking motherfu…." Jaune muttered under his breath.

"Ha!" Watts guffawed. "You must admit that what I said was quite humorous."

"No," said Juane. "I didn't. I'm sick of you making fun of me. I'm going to win Salem over. Just you wait."

"Sure you will. And Glenda Goodwitch will suddenly become relevant again."

"Shut up!" Jaune snapped. "I'm going to make this work."

Outside the castle, Salem looked up at the full moon.

"What are you wearing?" she heard a familiar voice ask.

"Really, Ozpin," she sighed. "You know this hasn't worked since the last six times you tried it."

"A man can try," said Ozpin's voice. "You'd be doing this too if you were suddenly turned into a shota."

"I swear you get weirder with every passing year," Salem sighed. "Please go away while I plan your demise."

"Ah, but you're wrong about my demise. You see. Maybe you're missing something. Maybe there's victory in a simple soul."

"No amount of cinnamon rolls will be able to stop me!" Salem snarled. "Just wait until Sinbad gets over there and snaps your neck in half with his pinky fingers. My OC's will slowly wipe out every existing character in this universe, allowing me to create a land of OC's. The perfect people will inhabit this world, and the perfect world will come to exist as a result! A world without prejudice, judgement! This is what everybody wants. Such things can't exist without sacrifice!"

"What are you saying?" Jaune asked.

Salem turned around and frowned.

"Oh," she sighed. "It's you."

"I wanted to talk with you about-"

"Our pairing?" Salem interrupted. "No reason. I've arranged a place for us to partake in shipping activities."

"W-W-WHAT?" Jaune sputtered. This was definitely not the answer he expected.

"There's a local meetup with pairings tomorrow," said Salem. "I've already agreed to go and you'll be my date. You only need to promise me that you won't screw this up, or else I'll have my Grimm give you a rectum examination."

Jaune swallowed at that.

"I-I promise I won't mess up!" he said with a smile.

"Oh, you won't," Salem smirked. "I'll make sure of that."


	13. Chapter 13

Many days have come and gone since our author has last published a chapter of this fanfiction. Those who know him say that he went on a journey beyond our very world. It was there that he travelled to realms unknown and discovered things that were alien to him. In reality, our young author was too busy playing Pokemon Ultra Sun and Moon to focus on the misadventures of Jaune. He apologizes and shall continue with what he started. For now.

Jaune awakened to a bright and shiny morning. Everything looked like it was going to go well. After all, Salem's "meetup" with the other pairings would be today.

"I've got this," Jaune said to himself. "I can do this. All I need to do is dress nicely and behave the way she'd like."

Jaune looked at his scraggly hair and stubble in the mirror. It'd been some time since he shaved and it wasn't pretty.

KNOCK KNOCK

"What is it?" Jaune moaned, preparing for the worst.

The door to his room opened and in walked Hazel Rainart.

"Hey, buddy," he said with a smile.

"Oh," Jaune sighed. "I thought you were Tyrian trying to sell me lube again."

"Not at all," laughed Hazel. "I just got done practicing my agonizing screams for volume six. You're gonna love what I do to Team RWBY."

"Hazel," Jaune said with a sigh, "I was there. Don't you remember? I had a dramatic speech and everything!"

Hazel scratched his head while furrowing his eyebrows. "Not that I remember," he said. "Probably too juiced up on dust to really notice. Sorry, bud."

"It's fine," said Jaune. "Nobody else seems to notice me."

Jaune sat on his bed, defeated. He felt a firm hand plant itself on his shoulder.

"Don't say that about yourself," said Hazel. "Did you know that I used to be just like you?"

"Really?" asked Jaune. He found that very hard to believe. Hazel was that guy you could always spot in a crowd. Tall, burly, and enough facial hair to plant a tree in. He was the last person Jaune expected to hear that sort of thing from.

"It's true," said Hazel. "I was also a shrimpy little boy who did terribly with girls."

"Hey!"

"But it's true," said Hazel with a chuckle. "They called me 'tiny' and 'gretel.' Kids can be pretty cruel as you know."

Jaune nodded.

"That all changed when I started getting big and hitting the gym every day. Did you know I can bench press three-hundred on a bad day? It's because of this."  
Hazel dug into his pocket and pulled out massive dust crystals. They were pretty jagged at the end and were glowing bright yellow.

"Um….your legs are bleeding," said Jaune.

Hazel looked down and noticed the deep cut he'd just made on himself.

"Don't worry about that," said Hazel with a smile. "The crystals I snort-uh, I mean, semblance-allows me to feel no such pain."

"Whoa," said Jaune with widened eyes.

"I know," said Hazel with a loud laugh. "You should try it sometime. Here, take this. I call it Blazing Blue."

Hazel tossed a sharp looking dust crystal at Jaune that burned bright blue. Jaune held it nervously and started to glow.

"Take one of those and stick it in your arms, or just snort it," said Hazel. "You'll be a new man by then. Well, see ya!"

And with that he left.

Jaune stared at the crystal some more. Hazel definitely looked like the intimidating sort. But how much of it could actually be a result of the crystals? He had no idea, but the meetup would be soon. Without much time left, jaune broke off a piece of the dust and snorted it. Everything changed as soon as the first dust particle reached his nostrils. His surroundings literally melted all around him like ice cream that's been left out. The sounds he heard were long gone and every color expanded into a wider spectrum that was unlike any other.

The door to his room broke off its hinges and molded itself into a familiar figure. Elegant, graceful, and beautiful. His door had become Pyrrha Nikos.

"Jaune," she said with a warm smile. "What are you doing?"

Jaune stared up at her with his mouth hung open.

"I-I-I-I" was all he could say.

"Stop worrying about all this shipping nonsense and come with me," said Pyrrha. She held out her hand and smiled.

Jaune looked at it. Her hand always had this look of vulnerability to it, as if offering it to someone was the same as offering her trust. Jaune slowly pressed his hand against hers and smiled.

Pyrrha blushed when her hand made contact with Jaune's.

"I think we should escape from this place," she chuckled.

"I think so too," said Jaune.

Pyrrha walked towards a window that lead to a starry walkway. Various planets sped by as something awaited them at the end.

"I love you," said Jaune in one large breath.

"I love you too," said Pyrrha. They walked out together, ignoring the speeding planets and comets as they walked into the galactic unknown.

"The hell is taking that boy so long?" Watts grunted. "Does he not understand how uncomfortable this stupid tie is? It's like I'm constantly being hanged!"

After growing tired of waiting, Watts burst into Jaune's room. He found Jaune naked and holding hands with a door that had evidently been grabbed from its hinges. Both windows were open and Jaune kept babbling about a girl he was in love with.

"It looks like he's been snorting some of the same stuff I have!" Tyrian laughed. "You really need to try it, giga-watts!"

"And end up like you?" Watts asked. "I think I'll pass."

"I wuv you pywwha!" Jaune said before kissing the door, even letting out his tongue.

"This poor boy has lost it," Watts said. "I should probably inform Salem of this."

"Don't!" said Tyrian.

"And why not"?

"Because he'll be a lot funnier if he keeps it up! Just think of all the….the….HAHAHAHAHAHAH!"

"I'll fill in the blanks from there," said Watts. Even though Tyrian was a raging nutcase, his idea wasn't't half bad. Perhaps humiliating Jaune would be the thing that would make him end the contract. It didn't hurt to try.


	14. Chapter 14

"Uhh…..where am I?" Jaune moaned. All he remembered was a bizarre dream featuring himself and Pyrrha Nikos. The details were all blurry, but he was sure that it was an enjoyable fantasy. He was now awake in an unfamiliar room with the lights dimmed. Jaune's vision was still a blur, making it hard to see anything. There was the sound of someone breathing very slowly close by.

"You're with me, little boy," someone whispered.

Jaune's vision cleared enough for him to see Tyrian standing above him.

"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" Jaune screamed so loud and hard that he could feel his throat tremble.

"Shhh!" said Tyrian. "Mustache man saw you high on dust and….hehehehe….sent you to the waifu room."

"The what?"

"Oh?" Tyrian leaned closer to Jaune and licked his lips. "You don't know?"

The lights flashed on and several posters of RWBY characters appeared. There were lewd posters of team RWBY covering every inch of the wall and ceiling, body pillows covering the bed; even worse than that were the beds that had the faces of Salem making seductive expressions. Jaune gasped at what he was looking at and fell off off the bed, staring directly into the eyes of a life-sized Yang doll.

"What is this?" Jaune asked as he continued to drown in waifus. "I want out!"

"This is where Salem sends her deviants," Tyrian giggled. "I came here and was locked inside for a week. My 'crime' was lusting after Salem. Now I'm a new man, only desiring nothing more than the approval of my goddess."

"But we had a date set up!" said Jaune.

"Not anymore," said Tyrian with a nasty smirk. "She invited none other than genderbent Summer Rose."

"WHAT?" Jaune heard his voice crack a little.

"Oh yes," said Tyrian. "And now you're here with nobody but myself."

"No," Jaune muttered. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"You're to eat here, sleep here, and even bathe here," Tyrian laughed. "Now please stay where you are while I go and attend to my...private duties. Ta-ta!"

Jaune frantically searched for some way out but all he could find were lewd fanarts and figurines of Pyrrha and Neo.

"I can't believe I got locked in this place!" Jaune shouted. "My agent is so getting fired when I get out of here!"

"Hey!" A muffled voice barked. "Get off of my face!"

Jaune immediately sat up and looked down. He couldn't believe who he had stumbled across.

"What unruly behavior!" said Glynda Goodwitch.

"Professor Goodwitch?" Jaune asked. "How did you-?"

"I am unfortunately what one may refer to as a 'forgotten waifu.' Since my mysterious disappearance from the main series and an unlikely appearance on Chibi, I've been forced to wander among the graveyard of forgotten waifus. I was actually just finishing a game of Combat Ready ™ with Amber and the Malachite sisters."

"What's that?" asked Jaune.

"I'm glad you asked," said Glenda. "Combat Ready is a cooperative adventure board game in which two to four people can participate in saving Vale."

"Did you just read that off a Kickstarter page?"

"Yes."

Jaune wanted to leave more than ever at that moment, lest he become a human advertisement. He went over to the door and struggled with the doorknob. It was too tight. Not even slamming against the door would make it budge. After banging against the door some more, Jaune took a deep breath and sat back down. It didn't look like he would be getting out at the rate things were going.

"You know you just have to say the password," said Amber.

"What?" asked Jaune.

"The password," said Amber.

"Not that," said Jaune. "I...I just didn't know you could say more than a sentence."

"Shut up!"

"Sorry…"

"Now listen to me," Amber continued. "All you have to do is look into the keyhole and whisper, 'Salem is best girl.' Only then can you get out."

"You've got to be kidding me," said Jaune.

"Nobody said this would be easy," said Amber. "That's why we're all still here. That, and these body pillows really are quite comfortable."

Jaune turned back and took a deep breath. In one breath he spoke the words, "Salem is best girl!" and the door opened.

Jaune looked over his shoulder to say goodbye but found an empty spot where the forgotten waifus once were. 


	15. Chapter 15

The meetup dates were always the most irritating for Salem to attend. Every year, pairings from all over would gather around and interact with one another. The popular ships were always surrounded by adoring fans asking for confirmation of their favorite ship. Most pairings ignored these questions because they understood that fans would find some way to confirm their favorite ships, even if all the signs pointed against it.

There was one major reason that Salem detested going to these things and it wasn't for the reasons that one would think. It wasn't because of the loud festivities, crammed rooms, obnoxious fans, frivolous discussions, or even the sickenly cheery atmosphere. No. What Salem hated most were the team RWBY pairings. Their presence alone was enough to make everyone else silent. Behind them would be a battalion of fans armed with demands and blogs. It was absolute madness. Salem hated to see these four girls command the level of respect she sought after. Regardless, she'd probably go and sulk in the corner like she always did.

"Are we there yet?" asked August Rose. He looked exactly like Summer without breasts and a lot more body hair.

"No!" Salem snapped. "And I wish that you not repeat that question again. This must be the seventeenth time that you've asked this."

"You counted?"

"YES!" The red in Salem's eyes shot bright red as she said this, causing August to step back a bit.

"Uhhh...sorry," said August bashfully.

"Keep talking and you really will be."

Back at Salem's castle, Jaune rushed to put his clothes on. He still had his suit from volume two and figured it would be good enough.

"You look like an extra in a Korean boy band," said watts as he watched Jaune get dressed.

"Just shut up," said Jaune. "I don't see you going with a pairing!"

"That's because my only real options are frozen and taken." He almost sounded proud when he said that.

"Excuses," Jaune muttered.

"How do you even plan to reach your destination on time? It's far from here and the only methods of transportation have been taken."

"That's easy," said Jaune. "I'll do what we do in the main series: Disappear for a while and then appear conveniently without explanation."

"That's quite a pointed explanation."

"Eh. I guess."

Back at the event, Salem was sitting in her corner as usual. With her were Adam and Illia, along with Emerald and Mercury. None of them looked too happy to be there with the exception of Illia, who seemed far more interested in Adam than he was in her.

"This place blows," said Mercury with his head rolled back. "Do we really have to stay here until it ends?"

"Unfortunately so," said Salem. "I would have the entire place gassed if it were up to me."

"All humans deserve to be gassed," said Adam.

"You're so cute when you talk like that!" Illia giggled.

The rest of the participants at the party were in the center of the grand room talking with each other. Coco and Velvet were talking with some friends, Nora and Ren were cracking jokes, Sun and Neptune were talking to an OC, and surrounding them were hundreds of fans. They all made the same demands with their favorite ships, hoping that one of them would indirectly confirm something.

Salem's table only had a few and she would quickly scare them off with one look.

"Can I go talk to everybody?" asked August Rose.

"No," said Salem. "You're to sit here until we leave."

"B-But that's-"

"Silence!"

Salem could feel her already corpse-like body growing frailer by the minute. As much as she hated to admit it, Jaune was somewhat more charming than the obnoxious August.

"AND NOW INTRODUCING THE MOMENT YOU'VE BEEN WAITING FOR!" Said Professor Port, an official announcer for the even. "TEEEEEEEEEEEAM RWBY!"

The cheers became so loud that the water on Salem's table shook. Team RWBY all walked out with their respective ships: White Rose and Bumblebee seemed to be this years picks. Last year it was Ladybug and Freezer Burn. The fans clambered towards them, screaming like banshees every time a single sound escaped their mouths.

"Looks like the jailbait quartet has finally arrived," said Mercury. "Want me to stomp them to death?"

"I'd much rather slowly drain Blake of her bodily fluids and store what's left in a vial for me to keep," said Adam.

"Whatever you say, Vergil Lector."

Salem eyed Ruby as she walked in with Weiss Schnee. It made her blood boil to see the cause of all her failures right in front of her. They had to be eliminated. They needed to be eliminated. They were going to be-

"SALEM!" A voice roared. Everybody looked behind team RWBY to see Jaune running right through the crowd to find Salem.

"I'm back!" he continued, "and I'm really sorry about sniffing the dust and everything. Hazel told me that it'd help me and I believed him because I'm an idiot, but then it got me all weird and….uh….I'm really sorry!"

Jaune only then realized that people were watching him and quickly shut up.

Salem watched all of this with raised eyebrows. Jaune had managed to take away all the attention team RWBY had attracted, albeit by acting like an idiot. Still, she couldn't help but feel just a little impressed by his feat.

"Excuse me," Salem interrupted. "I believe this is my partner."

"What about me?" asked August.

"You can go die for all I care," said Salem flippantly. "Come with me, Jaune. We have much to discuss."

"W-What?" asked Jaune. He was honestly expecting her to give him a lot more grief.

"You've proven yourself today," said Salem. "Perhaps you aren't the bumbling idiot I thought you were."

"Uhhh….thanks."

The day had ended with some level of success. Jaune hoped Salem wouldn't try to drag him into something weird.


	16. Chapter 16

"Soooo. Why exactly am I being strapped into a bed while wearing a leather outfit?" asked Jaune. Salem had taken him back to her place after the party without saying a word. Jaune had expected her to lay all the praise she could on him for taking the attention away from Team RWBY, but she'd gone silent after leaving. It was only after they reached the front door to her place that she finally spoke up.

"I'd like you to do something for me," she had said. Jaune willingly agreed and somehow ended up in his current situation.

"You're to stay here until Salem says so," said Watts. He'd been placed in charge of keeping an eye on Jaune and already seemed to be tired of it.

"But she said she was going to take things more seriously," Jaune whined.

"She said we were taking things more seriously," Watts said in a mocking tone. "Really, you're remarkably naïve if you really think Salem would turn to you that quickly. You merely did her a favor by humiliating the discount Powerpuff girls."

Jaune frowned when Watts said that. That sounded exactly like the sort of thing Salem would do. If there was one thing Salem was consistently good at , it was manipulating those around her to do what she wanted.

"Now please sulk away from me so I don't have to see your face any more than I need to."

Jaune groaned and looked away. There was nothing worse than being hungry while stuck in a room with Watts. He was about to think of a way out when someone walked in.

"Howa are you enjoying my little arrangement?" asked Salem.

"You've finally arrived," Watts shrugged. "This boy whines more than the cat faunus, and that's saying quite a lot."

"Thank you for your aid," said Salem. "Now please excuse me while I speak with my partner."

Jaune felt his heart pick up a beat after hearing Salem refer to him as her partner. It was only a day ago when she barely even acknowledged him.

Once Watts left the room, Salem looked up at Jaune and smiled.

"I apologize for saying nothing during our walk here," she said. There still wasn't a smile on her face. "I'd like to personally reward you for humiliating that insufferable huntress team."

"Uh, thanks," said Jaune. "But I'd really like to get out of here first. These straps are cutting off the circulation of my arms."

"Of course," said Salem. She made a gesture with her hands and the straps came off almost immediately.

Jaune took a deep breath and clasped a hand over his chest. The straps had been a lot tighter than he thought.

"So how would you like me to reward you?" asked Salem. "I'm not Ozpin. I always carry out what I promise."

"A nice normal date would be nice," said Jaune. It'd been a while since he'd had a normal date. Pairing requests often came with "date requests." These were specific requests that the shipper wanted their pairings to do during dates. This could range from dramatic dialogue to more promiscuous activity; depending on just how thirsty the shipper was feeling. All Jaune really wanted was a nice and quiet meal with no interruptions.

"That can be arranged," said Salem thoughtfully. "Very well. You are to come downstairs in approximately one hour. I'll be expecting you at exactly that time. Food will be prepared by me so you have nothing to worry about."

"Oh….thanks," said Jaune. "You aren't tricking me or anything?"

"Of course not," said Salem. "I made a promise, didn't I? Now please go and get ready while I do the same."

And she left without another word.

"I'm either dreaming or I actually made progress," said Jaune. He poked himself in the eye just to be sure. It was definitely real.

"So she just offered you anything you wanted?" asked Amber. Jaune had returned back to the room of forgotten Waifus where Tyrian lay unconscious in a dust-induced coma. The girls were all playing Combat Ready and reading doujin. Jaune found them to be a lot more helpful than the all of Salem's allies.

"Yeah," said Jaune. "I'm still having trouble taking it all in."

"I wouldn't trust her if I were you," said Amber.

"Would you please shut your Dora-the-Explorer looking ass up!" shouted the irritable voice of Whitley Schnee.

"What's he doing here?" asked Jaune.

"I'm practicing for my new role of best girl," said Whitley with a grin. "Every Schnee knows that the road to greatness starts from the bottom rungs."

Jaune shrugged and continued with his story. "So I just don't know what to do."

"You could always rant about her on Twitter and have it blow up in your face," said Glynda.

"What?"

"Nothing. Pretend I said nothing."

"Just be on your guard. That's really all the advice we can give you," said Amber. "Now get out and enjoy yourself."

"If you say so," said Jaune. He knew that he would have no chance against Salem and her allies if he tried to defend himself. But any damage done to him would be a big help for any lawsuit he'd file.

There was also the chance that Salem could have had achange of heart. It'dbeen a while since she'd actually tried to fight Team RWBY. Maybe there was some good in her coal-black heart after all. Even the most vile of hell spawn could have feelings.

"Now watch as I gracefully bend over and—" Jaune left the room before Whitley could continue what he was doing.

Jaune dressed in the same suit he had on earlier. The only changed he had made were the additions of black tie wrapped around his neck. The tie had various Grimm markings that he thought she'd enjoy. He also combed his hair a little. It became very messy after his incident earlier. With everything done and ready, Jaune took a deep breath and prepared to go downstairs. Salem would either surprise him in a good or bad way. He would only find out which by moving forward and finding out himself.


	17. Chapter 17

Jaune had a number of thoughts before seeing what Salem had prepared for him. He figured that she would probably set up some sort of trap or attempt to lure him into something like she always did. What he found instead was a complete surprise.

The giant table had been decorated with candles and fancy plates for two. There was a chandelier hanging above and the smell of freshly cooked food filled Jaune's nostrils.

"Greetings, Mister Arc," said Watts. He was wearing a blue tuxedo and fancy spats. The tuxedo looked like he had worn it years ago and never touched it since.

"What is this?" asked Jaune.

"A dinner date. What does it look like?" Watts asked. Even though his appearance had changed, Watts hadn't dropped his sarcastic personality.

"But…" Jaune began.

"You expected something more…sinister?" asked Watts, moving his face uncomfortably close to Jaune's ear. "Salem always fulfills her promises. Now sit down while the rest of the staff attend to you."

"S-Staff?"

"A-AHEM!" said a gruff voice from behind.

Jaune nearly fell forward from surprise at the startlingly loud noise.

"Allow me to pull out your chair," said Hazel. He was also dressed in a tuxedo, but it was so tight that it looked like it rip at the seams if he moved too much.

As if Jaune were a toddler, Hazel slowly pulled out the chair and motioned for Jaune to sit on it. Jaune did as he was told and waited for whatever came next.

"Salem would like me to inform you that while we were able to steal—uh, I mean…confiscate—the chandelier and plates from Schnee Manor, the same cannot be said for food."

"Wait WHAT?" Jaune shouted. He thought that these were things Salem had lying around her place. Did they steal all that stuff while he was getting dressed?

"I know," said Watts. "I too was looking forward to seeing you stuff your face with healthy food. Luckily for you, we've got plenty of Pumpkin Pete cereal. Chefs Neo and Tyrian have prepared multiple meals for you and Salem."

Jaune tried hard not to curl his nose at the news. He liked Pumpkin Pete, but it didn't exactly make a good ingredient for anything else besides cereal.

"Where's Salem?" asked Jaune.

"She's preparing herself for her moment with you," said Watts. "Now please shut up and wait."

"I'm ready," said a distant voice.

Jaune slumped a little more in his chair. He was expecting another one of Salem's minions to surprise him in some awkward way. Instead, Mercury and Emerald both walked out. They were wearing the nicest clothes out of everyone else Jaune had seen so far. Mercury swapped his normal attire for a traditionally black tuxedo. Unlike Hazel and Watts, Mercury's seemed to fit him well and looked brand new. His hair had also been combed to the side, removing the somewhat messy look he normally had on.

Emerald had also been dressed up in a long teal-colored dress that exposed her shoulders and hid her legs behind the dress. She wore heels that made her appear taller and looked a little self-conscious while wearing the dress.

Most surprising of all was Salem herself. She had taken her cape off and wore nothing but the black dress. Her frame looked much smaller without the cape. Even more surprising for Jaune was her hair. It'd been let down and nearly reached the middle of her back. The long aond white color of her hair reminded Jaune a lot of Weiss Schnee, and he didn't have a problem with that as well. Salem's red eyes even managed to look somehow more charming as they fixed their gaze on him.

"Surpised?" asked Salem.

Jaune had his mouth hanging open like a fish out of water.

"Your expression says it all," she said with a smirk. "Mercury, Emerald. Please excuse us."

Mercury and Emerald bowed before walking away. Salem walked elegantly with slender legs that Jaune forgot she even had. It usually looked like she was moving on a one wheel because of how her legs never appeared to move.

"As promised, here is our little moment together," said Salem. "How do you feel about this?"

"I-uh-I…..um…well…" Jaune still couldn't find the right words. This all felt like some kind of dream he'd been trapped in. It was the kind of dream that he hoped would last a while.

"Please wait until you're able to speak," said Salem playfully.

"Meals have arrived!" Tyrian shouted. He came running into the room with Neo right behind them. Both were wearing chef outfits and carrying large plates with strange looking food on them.

"Madam and sir," said Tyrian. "It is with great pleasure that I present to you our homemade meals. I initially wasn't prepared for such a task, but then master Hazel gave me the greatest huff of dust. One inhale was enough to turn me into a chef master beyond compare. It is for this reason that I proudly reveal the first and—"

"Just serve the damn meal!" Watts shouted.

"Right," said Tyrian with a scowl. "Your meal."

He put his plate down in front of Jaune while Neo put hers in front of Salem.

Jaune looked down at his plate and saw a Pumpkin Pete sandwich next to Pumpkin Pete crisps and mashed Pumpkin Pete chunks. He'd been expecting the food to look revolting and struggle to even touch it, but somehow Tyrian and Neo had managed to make it look appetizing. Jaune poked at the food a bit with his fork and then took a bite. He tasted not only the cereal, but also a strong flavor of something sweet. Jaune took another bite and then another. Who knew that Pumpking Pete could be used to make so many other kinds of food?

"So have you been enjoying our time together so far?" asked Salem.

Jaune noticed the lack of food on her plate and felt embarrassed. He'd enjoyed the food so much that he probably made loud noises like a pig as he ate. Meanwhile, Salem was so quiet that he didn't even know she had eaten.

There was something different about Salem at that moment. The vengeful woman Jaune had known her as was no longer there. Instead he saw a mature but scarred woman who yearned for companionship while lacking the trust to commit. She almost seemed sympathetic.

"Um….thanks for this," said Juane.

"Don't thank me," said Salem. "I merely carried out a promise."

"But you could have always refused…. yet you still did it," said Jaune. "Thanks again.

Salem said nothing and stood up from her seat. "I think it's time you went to sleep."

Jaune nodded and stood up. He could have sworn that he saw a smirk on the corner of Salem's mouth before walking away. Jaune smiled to himself as he went back upstairs. Maybe the paring wouldn't be as bad as he thought.


	18. Chapter 18

Jaune hardly got an hour of sleep in before he was interrupted by something else. It tugged hard at his bed sheets and refused to stop until his eyes opened.

"UGH!" Jaune groaned. "What do you want? I'm trying to—"

"Have a nice and peaceful slumber? I'm pretty sure each of us would like that," said Watts. He sounded even more disgruntled than usual and had large bags under his eyes.

Jaune's eyebrows rose as he saw the man himself. "What are you here for?" he asked.

"To give you a back massage," said Watts sarcastically. "What do you think? I have a message from Salem."

"What does it—"?

"Would you kindly shut up so that I can read the message?"

Jaune slumped back in his bed. He had a sinking feeling that the date was too good to be true. Salem was probably going to demand something in return. Maybe it would be his loyalty or one of his limbs. You never really knew what you were going to get with her.

"It reads as follow: Mister Arc. Dinner with you was a delight. It's odd to think that only two days have passed since we were paired together—"

"ONLY TWO DAYS?" Jaune screamed. "I swear it's been way longer than that! How can it only be two days when so much has happened?"

"You're forgetting which series you're a part of," Watts grumbled. "Six to eight months can magically turn into a couple of weeks in this timeline. Now stop talking before I strangle you."

"Oh…sorry."

Watts gave Jaune a hard stare before picking up where he had left off. "And I feel that you and I have come to understand each other a little better. Whatever differences we may have shall be put on hold for the time being. Just remember that I will go back to being your enemy after this is done with."

Watts folded the message and stuffed it in his pocket. Strangely enough, Watts seemed to always have the same clothes on for every occasion. It was like his outfit had become a parasite that lived off of his body.

"So…does that mean we're kind of cool but not really?" asked Jaune.

"The hell if I know," Watts mumbled. "Just go back to sleep so that I can try to get at least an hour of rest."

Jaune stared at his ceiling for a while after Watts had left. It was hard to even consider that maybe Salem was warming up to the idea a little and cutting him some slack. Had he done something to make Salem change her mind? It was really hard to tell and Salem probably wouldn't admit to such a thing if pressed. Whatever the reason, Jaune was just happy at the prospect of Salem being less harsh on him and he slept the rest of the night with a smile on his face.

Jaune awakened the next day with that same smile on his face. The thought of Salem possibly relaxing a little was still on his mind and Jaune was really excited to find out what that would feel like. He skipped changing out of his pajamas and ran down the long hallways and staircases to reach Salem. She was already awake and sitting in her special seat at the end of the table.

"Uh…. good morning," Jaune mumbled.

Salem turned her head towards him and—for a split second—smiled. "It's good to see you," she said with no emotion.

"Same," Jaune chuckled. "I…uh…just want to say thank you…. for dinner! Yeah…"

"Your thanks are appreciated," said Salem. "Perhaps I was too harsh on this pairing when it first came to my attention. I still plan on making things miserable for you and Team RWBY, but perhaps that could be put on hold."

"You know you're really surprising me when you say stuff like that?" said Jaune. "It's like you're e a different person all of a sudden."

"You misunderstand me. I'm kind to everyone as long as they show me respect. The people I wish to eradicate have done nothing but antagonize me and sabotage my plans. Don't you think I have a reason to be upset with them?"

Jaune fought the urge to groan. Now was not the time to get into an argument with Salem. He decided to just shrug his shoulders and let her carry on.

"Regardless of what you think," Salem said, "I'm sure you and I can put that aside for the time being. That is…if you behave."

Jaune nodded.

"Good. I think I'm going back to contemplate some more. Feel free to do what you wish."

And Salem left without saying another word. It was still so strange for Jaune to be in a position where Salem saw him as only being a little beneath her. He couldn't help but carry a big grin as he walked around Salem's place.

"What's with the smile?" asked Tyrian. "Did Hazel give you some of his stuff too?"

"No," said Jaune. "I'm just happy things are working out."

"Heh. We'll see how long that lasts. Aha…AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Jaune just rolled his eyes and walked away. Nothing could stop his good mood, even Tyrian and his maniacal laughter. Things were going great and soon the pairing would end positively. Afterwards, Jaune could look forward to a nice and long vacation.

THWUMP.

Jaune stumbled backwards as something slammed against one of the windows of Salem's place. He got right up and went to open it. There was somebody lying facedown on the ground. It was hard to see whom it was because of how far they had fallen. Jaune looked back to make sure nobody else was looking and quietly made his way outside.

Salem's palace was very large and it took over ten minutes just to reach the side. Jaune couldn't think of who this person might be. Nobody every willingly came onto Salem's territory unless they wanted to die or were morally bankrupt themselves.

The person lying on the ground was now a lot easier to see. It was a girl and she appeared to still be unconscious.

Jaune walked closer to her and knelt down. He turned her around and fell backwards. This was somebody he recognized. The chances of ever seeing her again were thought to be very low. After all, she was one of the most popular characters in the verse. How she managed to find enough free time for a break was a mystery enough, but there was also the added mystery of having her visit Salem's palace of all places.

Jaune took one more look and felt his heart drop. The girl was none other than Pyrrha Nikos.


	19. Chapter 19

This is the journal or Dr. Arthur Watts. This entry is to serve as both a testament to my patience and to avoid a formal complaint to my employer. The subject of this entry revolves around the Arc boy.

I had no issue with him when he first walked in. All I saw was a bumbling fool who could barely walk his way through a washroom. Everybody in our inner circle saw him as an amusing sense of entertainment that would probably last a day or two with Salem before being killed or turned into a Grimm. None of us expected him to stay as long as he has.

Yesterday, someone named Pyrrha Nikos walked into our establishment. Young Jaune had the nerve to actually bring this girl in like a stray kitten. I was the first to witness him bringing her in. She was this frail young girl with bright red hair and dressed like a gender bent cosplayer for _300._ I could only raise an eyebrow as Jaune walked in with her slung over his shoulder.

"Have you given up your career as a second-rate Huntsman to become a human trafficker?" I asked with a sneer.

He glared at me in a pathetic attempt to be intimidating and said nothing.

"You do know that we have a very strict policy about letting strays in, don't you?" I reminded him. "It's written quite clearly in the 'Salem's evil book of evil' downstairs."

Salem's' evil book of evil is exactly that. Salem never really discusses her plans with anyone outside of a vague reference to destruction. The book itself is more of the same. Many vague sentences that hints at something greater while never outright stating it. Quite frustrating, really.

But the most important part of this book is the section of rules for the establishment. One big rule is that pets are not allowed. According to Salem, adding more residents will make the place clustered and force other villains to stay back and water plants while everybody else fights against Team RWBY. This girl looked like she was someone who could potentially replace somebody else. While I don't mind seeing Tyrian or Cinder getting replaced, my main concern was with myself and how Salem could favor the Spartan ginger over my talents. Something had to be done and I knew exactly how to make it happen.

"What book?" Jaune asked, staring at me with his mouth open like a freshly caught fish.

"The massive black book that Salem keeps outside the front door," I chuckled. "You seriously can't be that clueless, unless you've been sniffing the dust with Hazel again.

"Shut up!" Jaune shouted. "This girl just fell from the sky and I need to do something in order to save her!"

The girl was breathing healthily and seemed like she was going to be fine. You couldn't tell this boy that, however, because he made everything overly dramatic.

"So what do you plan on doing with…?"

"Pyrrha," Jaune said. "Her name is Pyrrha Nikos, and she's someone I care deeply about."

I rolled my eyes at his obnoxious display and sighed.

"And I suppose you expect me to say nothing while you keep this…. girl…stashed away somewhere?"

Jaune nodded. "I'd be super grateful if you did that."

"I'd be equally satisfied if you stopped using 'super' every time something makes your heart rate increase by two beats."

The day went by and I found myself feeling good for the first time in forever. I created a death ray that wiped out an entire village, intimidated a mayor into joining us in exchange of his city's sovereignty.

I was so satisfied with how things went that I had the grand idea to watch hentai for the first time in many years. The lotion was set up and the video ready to watch. My lips twitched as I began to play the video.

"Euphoria, here I cum," I said as the video buffered.

"Um, excuse me?" A shaky voice said from behind my shoulder.

The voice startled me so much that I accidentally slammed my head into the computer and broke it.

"WHAT!?" I shouted, discarding my normally laid-back disposition.

"Oh…uh…I'm just wondering where I am." It was Pyrrha. She had enormous bags under her eyes and wobbled a little when she stood.

"You're in the home of Salem: epitome of evil and mother to the motherless. I'm assuming that you've at least heard of her, yes?"

The girl shook her head.

"I…don't think I know who that is," she said.

I felt an invisible palm slam into my forehead when she said that.

"Just imagine your worst nightmare and give it the personality of a grapefruit," I said sarcastically.

'But…. grapefruits don't have personality," said Pyrrha.

This I slapped my forehead with my own, physical palm.

"Pyrrha!" said Jaune.

"Gods," I moaned. "When did I become a babysitter for dysfunctional teenagers?"

"Don't talk to that guy!" Jaune shouted, gently pushing the young girl away from me. "That's Arthur Watts! He's an evil man, aligned with Cinder Fall…the woman who killed you!"

"What?" asked Pyrrha. She looked like she was even more confused than before.

All of this nonsense was getting ridiculous. I had hentai to watch and couldn't be bothered by these blithering idiots. Action needed to be taken before I was drawn into another moronic situation.

"Look over there!" I said with great excitement. "Ruby Rose's character development!"

"WHERE?" Jaune and Pyrrha both said as they looked in the direction I was pointing to.

I disappeared before their heads could turn back and hid myself in an empty room. Salem had many empty rooms that served no other purpose than making the establishment feel less easy. This one was my personal favorite because nobody else knew about it.

My day finished on a satisfactory note, but the main point is that it took forever to reach it.

Jaune Arc is someone I am quite honestly getting sick of. His buffoonish behavior is enough to make even Tyrian look good. Perhaps he'll change, but I doubt it. All I can really do is hope for a change. Either that or lock myself in a room and watch hentai all day.


	20. Chapter 20

Having Pyrrha over made Jaune a completely different person. Before, Jaune had been rather mopey and always had a pathetic look of defeat on his face. Now he couldn't stop smiling and energetically showing Pyrrha everything in Salem's castle. They even went into the room of forgotten waifus.

"Everybody," Jaune said with a beaming smile. "Meet Pyrrha!"

"Oh," said Amber glumly. "Aren't you the girl who failed to take my title as Fall maiden?"

"I didn't exactly fail," said Pyrrha. "You…uh….took an arrow to the chest."

"Did I?" asked Amber. "That explains the aggravating pain I've been feeling."

"These guys helped me out a lot when I was having a difficult time." Jaune said.

Pyrrha eyed Amber, Glynda, and a very pale boy wearing a wig resembling Weiss Schnee's hair.

"We didn't help you as much as we guided you," said Glynda. "Every decision you made ultimately happened as a result of your thinking."

"But…uh…isn't guiding me the same as helping?" asked Jaune.

"Don't argue semantics with me in the middle of an uplifting speech."

"Sorry."

"Now as I was saying. It's you who have made the most progress in this most unusual adventure," Glynda went on, "and you who will come up with the greatest solution to it. We all have faith in you."

"Even Whi—I mean…Weiss?"

"Sure," said the Weiss impersonator. "But remember to give me credit where credit is due."

"Uh….okay."

"What was the point of that speech?" asked Pyrrha once she and Jaune had left the room.

"I don't know," said Jaune. "Probably something that'll become relevant later on."

Pyrrha chuckled at Jaune's careless behavior and the two continued to joke around. Little did they know that someone had been eyeing them both. It was a certain someone with a long and pointed tail. He eyed them with a sadistic grin, just imaging the things Salem would do when she found out.

"Ohohohohohohoho!" Tyrian cackled. "Looks like Jauney boy is in trouble!"

Back in the main room, Salem had a recording playing on repeat. It sounded like Lionheart being killed by her Grimm. Salem normally watched such videos with a thoughtful smirk, but this time was different. Salem was slouching in her chair with a giant bag of Doritos next to her. The bag appeared to be almost empty.

"Why do I continue to fail?" Salem sulked. "I throw everything I have at these girls and they continue to make a mockery of me? Sometimes I wish I could just get up from this location and slaughter them all myself, but I'm unfortunately much too lazy to do such a thing."

"SAAAAALLLLEEEEEEM!" Came the shrieking voice of Tyrian.

Salem's eyes sunk deeper into her head at the sound of Tyrian. He was such a useless henchman. He had one mission to do and he came back with a new butthole after getting his other one ripped off by Ruby Rose. Any other villain would have ripped his esophagus out at the very least. Maybe this time he would have something useful to say, although he doubted it.

"What is it, Tyrian?" asked Salem. "Can't t you see that I'm busy groveling in a sea of self-pity and misery?"

"BUT IT'S IMPORTANT!" Tyrian shouted. He stopped right beside Salem and took several deep breaths.

"Well?" asked Salem. "What is it that you want to tell me?"

"Jaune has a friend with him," said Tyrian. "A…Pyrrha Nikos!"

Salem raised en eyebrow. "The invincible girl?" she asked.

Tyrian nodded.

Salem's smirk slowly transformed into a glare. She looked at her screen and waved her hand. The video of Lionheart being killed slowly changed to that of Jaune and Pyrrha laughing down the hallway. Salem felt her breathing shorten as her body clenched tightly. This was a feeling she hadn't felt before and it was maddening.

"Bring. Her. To. Me." Salem said through clenched teeth.

"As you wish," Tyrian said with a crazed smile. "As you wish."

Watts was walking down the hallway with his face covered in sweat.

"I really should lay off the tentacle genre," he sighed.

"OUT OF THE WAY, WATTSON!" Tyrian shouted as he shoved Watts out of the way.

Watts stood back up and stared at Tyrian running frantically to his destination. Seeing the scorpion Faunus that excited usually meant that something bad was about ot happen. Who knew that one boy could cause so much drama?


	21. Chapter 21

"And this is where the Professor Lion heart's cremated remains are sealed," said Jaune. He'd been continuing to give Pyrrha a tour of Salem's castle and enjoyed showing her everything to see. She was particularly interested in the shredded petitions to have her brought back to rwby.

"Did that many people really believe I'd come back?" she asked.

"Yeah, pretty much," said Jaune. "I'm surprised you didn't know about any of that."

"I was too busy being stuck in limbo."

"Yeah. Good point."

"And my balls are stored right-"

"HALT!" Said a very edgy voice from behind.

Jaune turned around and immediately scowled at who had just spoken.

"What is with all these sudden appearances?" he moaned.

"This isn't a sudden appearance," said Adam Taurus. "This is vengeance in the form of me. Adam Taurus. Seeker of vengeance and pussy obliterator—"

"What?" Jaune couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"Uh…I think he means…Blake?" said Pyrrha.

Jaune cocked his head for a second before finally putting two and two together. It was hard to focus on any individual thought because he had no idea what would come next. All he wanted was to give Pyrrha a tour and now he had the embodiment of a teenage edge lord interrupting him.

"Don't you have a screed to give somewhere?" asked Jaune. "How did you even get in here?"

"I entered this realm when I lost my soul to fighting the tyranny of humankind."

Jaune groaned and slammed his head against a wall.

"Stop that," said Pyrrha. "You'll knock yourself out!"

"THAT'S. THE. POINT."

"I'll have you know that I was invited by your agent," said Adam.

Jaune lifted his newly bruised face off the wall to look at Adam.

"Yes," Adam continued. "I am here to promote my newly revealed character short, and volume six by extension."

"They gave you a character short?" Jaune spat. "It should have gone to me."

"You were considered for a cameo, but there we already had enough pussies casted."

"STOP WITH THE PUSSY PUNS."

Pyrrha giggle just a little at the absurdity of the situation.

Jaune turned away from Adam again as he tried to find a way to lose him. Adam was known as the "party plague" by nearly everybody in the rwbyverse. He never smiled and spent every second of his life on insane conspiratorial rants. How this guy managed to find work as a character was beyond Jaune.

"So how long do you plan on staying here?" asked Jaune. "I'm sort of already assigned with Salem."

"I'm only here for a brief second," said Adam.

"Thank the Gods."

"What was that?"

"Nothing. Let's go."

Jaune continued to give a tour of the castle while Adam awkwardly stood beside them. He'd occasionally say something weird that would get ignored every time. It was probably one of the most unpleasant moments in Jaune's life.

While Jaune dealt with tour, Salem had just been told some very disturbing news by Tyrian.

"Are you sure that's what you saw?" she asked, eyes blazing red at the revelation of Pyrrha's arrival.

"Oh yes," said Tyrian. "Saw her with my own two eyes…so what are you going to do? Are you going to kill the boy? Rip his kidney out and feed it to the Grimm?"

Salem rolled her eyes at Tyrian's suggestions.

"I believe a lesson in humiliation will be needed."

Tyrian's grin grew wider as she told him her plan.

"Do we get to the part where the humans are crucified and hung to dry?" Adam asked after being shown a painting of Tyrian looking bravely across a battlefield.

"That never happened," said Jaune. "NOTHING YOU'VE SAID HAS EVER HAPPENED."

"Yes it has," Adam countered.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO IT HASN"T!"

"Yes it has. I wrote an entire fanfiction about it. It's about a Faunus warlord who impales his conquests on bloodies spears and—"

Jaune groaned out loud as Tyrian continued to spill his bizarre fantasy.

Jaune was then impaled by Adam's sword, groaning loudly as blood drew from the corners of his mouth. Next came Pyrrha, screaming in anguish as her lover fell to the blade of Adam Taurus. He was a strapping young man with the body of a God and an intellect that surpassed even the brightest minds in Remnant.

With one smirk, Adam looked out at the world that was now his.

ALL. HAIL. ADAM. 


	22. Chapter 22

"Why did you give Adam Taurus full control of the story?" Jaune demanded. He had been speaking with his agent for the past six hours. Apparently, Adam Taurus had attempted to take control of the narration to make himself the hero of this story. He forgot that the narrator is omnipotent and has the power to do whatever they want. Let us all take a moment of silence for the young Faunus.

"You think I expected him to do what he did?" His agent shouted back. Juane's agent always spoke in a tone that made him sound angry all the time. It made him kind of scary when he was actually upset by something.

"Whatever," Jaune sighed. "I just want out of this fiction. There's no way it's only been a couple of days or whatever the narrator's claiming it to be."

"Need I remind you that the universe you're in has no solid concept of time?" His agent retorted. "And besides…. your little fling with the evil mistress is making us a lot of lien. Would you rather have me pair you with Neptune?"

Jaune clenched his scroll, realizing that his agent would probably make that happen if he pressed any further.

"No," Jaune finally sighed. "Just…I don't know…I'll make this happen."

"Glad you understand," said his agent.

Jaune turned off his scroll and stared at the floor. Things were getting to be too chaotic. It was hard enough with Salem and her friend, adding Adam and Pyrrha only made things worse.

"I'm sure everything will work out," said Pyrrha. She'd been sitting next to Jaune the entire time and watched him with an increasing level of pity. "I've had my fair share of bad pairings too. Do you remember the time I was paired with Raven Branwen? Or the time I was in a polygamous relationship with Neo and Cinder? Not the most pleasant thing I've ever had to do. Or maybe—"

"Pyrrha!" Jaune said, placing a hand over her mouth. "Thanks." Pyrrha would sometimes talk a lot whenever she sensed uneasiness in a situation. It was sweet and mildly annoying at the same time.

Pyrrha smiled back at Jaune and then looked up at the ceiling. "Sometimes I wonder what would happen if I was still allowed to be involved in the main storyline."

"We would have probably met your parents in Mistral…"

"What?"

"Uhh…I think I have an itch in my throat."

"You'll have more than that by the end of tonight!" A maniacal voice cackled.

"Oh, Gods!" Jaune moaned. He didn't even have to turn around to see who had just spoken. Only one person managed to make crazy statements sound even worse.

"What is it Tyrian?"

"That's Mister Tyrian to you, Jauney!" Tyrian said this as he poked Jaune in the forehead with his bony finger.

Jaune slapped away Tyrian's hand and stood up. "Don't you have some bodies to bury in a backyard or something? I'm really not in the mood to put up with you."

Tyrian bit his bottom lip, resembling a toddler who'd just been told "no" for the first time. Jaune just ignored him and continued to walk away. He assumed that Salem was looking for some other ridiculous task to perform.

"Aren't you just a little curious to hear what I have to say?" asked Tyrian. He stood up and ran right next to Jaune as Pyrrha awkwardly walked behind.

"No really," said Jaune. Tyrian's face fell when he heard this. There was no sign of tepidness or fear from Jaune. It usually took Tyrian two lines to instill that kind of reaction in Jaune. To see him treating Tyrian like he was just an everage person was like a stab in the heart. Making people uncomfortable and fearful what was he lived for, and it was a large part of why he even existed.

"T-Then fine! I won't tell you that Salem knows all about your little fling with firecrotch over there and plans on making your life miserable!" Tyrian shouted without stopping to breath.

Jaune stopped walking and stared at Tyrian. "What did you say?" he asked.

Tyrian's sinister smile returned once he saw that the familiar emotions had returned to Jaune's face.

"You heard me," he chuckled. "You're going to be punished for insulting our goddess. You'll wish you were never born! You'll hate your own existence! Your reputation will be tarnished and you'll forever be paired with OC's for the rest of your life!"

Jaune ignored everything else Tyrian babbled about and focused on the most important part. Salem knew about Pyrrha and it wasn't going to end well for her. Jaune knew that Salem had full power in her castle and could probably erase Pyrrha right then if she wanted to. Distraught and exhausted, Jaune walked away as Tyrian continued to list all the terrible things Salem would do.

"Jaune!" Pyrrha called out. "Where are you going?"

"Away from this place!" Jaune shouted. He had no idea where he was going to go. Emerald Forest? Schnee Manor? Anyplace was better than Salem's.

Jaune somehow managed to make it outside where nobody could reach him or say something annoying. For once, Jaune could sit still and think.

"Do you mind if I sit with you?" asked Pyrrha.

Jaune looked up and saw her floating above him. Pyrrha liked to do that when she wanted to be sneaky.

"Do you really cover yourself in metal just so you can fly everywhere?" Jaune asked.

"Of course," said Pyrrha with a smile. "Wouldn't you rather fly than be tied down somewhere?"

"Yeah," Jaune sighed.

Pyrhha slowly floated down to Jaune and placed herself next to him.

"You need to smile a little more," she said. "Look at me!" Pyrrha opened her mouth really wide to show just how big her smile could get. It took Jaune by surprise to see her acting so goofy.

"Why are you doing this?" he asked.

"What?"

"Acting like this. Trying to cheer me up and all. You're famous and loved by nearly everyone. I'm constantly accused of being a bootleg OC and oversaturated. Why bother with someone like me?"

Pyrrha smirked at Jaune playfully ruffled his hair. "Do I really need to explain why I care for you?" she asked. "I thought I made that very clear when I kissed you before sacrificing myself."

"But that was just you playing the part."

"Was it really?"

Jaune looked into Pyrrha's eyes and saw a twinkle that he'd never seen before from her.

"I have a hard time figuring you out," said Jaune.

Pyrrha smiled and playfully cozied next to him. "Isn't that the fun part of getting to know someone?" she playfully asked.

Jaune smiled. "Yeah. I guess so."

The two were silent as they watched the moon set.

As they admired the view, Salem watched with a scowl and eyes burning red.


	23. Chapter 23

It's been a long time since Jaune Arc has last been seen trying to seduce the nefarious Salem. So much has happened since then. RWBY Volume six was released and a break has been granted to the cast as a way for them to celebrate before filming resumes. Volume seven has made increasing demands for Salem's role to be more prominent, leading to less of her being seem. Will Jaune Arc be able to seduce the increasingly popular star? Only time will tell…

Back at the studio, Jaune cautiously walked through the local bar while searching for somebody. The bar near the studio was a dark place where killed off characters went to grieve over their recent unemployment. Adam Taurus had been making several visits lately after what happened to him in Volume 6.

"Can't believe it," Jaune heard Adam groan. "I was once feared….FEARED! Everybody loved my gritty dialogue that complimented my edgy aesthetic."

"Oh, shut up!" Roman Torchwick hiccupped. "You think….you think YOU got it bad? Shoulda seen me swallowed by a Grimm….ehehe…."

Jaune could see the eyes glaring at him as he walked through the club. Volume six helped him stay employed while enjoying some new potential matches. Adam and Roman only received income by being rented out for fan fictions. It was humiliating for characters that were once billed as primary antagonists.

"Hey, pretty boy!" Adam shouted. "Tell…Tell ya buddy Blake….she sucks! Aha…Ahahahahaha!"

It was a sad sight to see a former star fall from grace, but show business was never kind.

Jaune walked past Tukson and Sienna to reach someone sitting at the end of the bar. A young man with tan skin and a green tunic continued to drink without looking up at Jaune.

"Are you Ozma?" asked Jaune.

The man gently put down his drink and sighed.

"Yes," he said quietly. "I…am Ozma."

"But isn't Ozma a woman?"

Ozma raised his eyebrows at Jaune. "Did you really seek me out just to say that?"

Jaune shook his head.

"Okay, good. So what is it you would like to know?"

Jaune pulled up a chair and sat beside Ozma. This man was a recent addition to the RWBY cast. Him being an already dead character gave him a unique position. Unlike Adam or Roman, Ozma was almost treated like royalty by everyone else.

"I want to know what you know about Salem," said Jaune.

Ozma smiled from the corner of his mouth and chuckled. "Oh yes," he said. "I am quite familiar with her."

"My agent told me that you two go way back."

"Haha…you could say that. We were both small town kids, dreaming of life in the big studios…those were the days."

"Was she always so…you know?"

Ozma raised his eyebrows. "Difficult to work with?" he asked.

Jaune nodded.

Ozma rolled his head back and burst out laughing. "Nearly every man who comes into contact with her says that!"

Jaune leaned forward a bit. "I've been shipped with her and I just don't know what to do. Everything I try doesn't seem to go anywhere. Sometimes I'll make progress, but then something else will happen to make me go several steps back."

Ozma leaned forwards and smiled at Jaune. "You need to show her that you deeply care for her and her ideals," he said softly.

"What?"

"Exactly what I said," Ozma said in a much sterner tone. "Salem is a woman who demands everything from you. And I mean everything. She likes to be around those who strongly agree and bow to her every whim. Why else do you think she surrounds herself with those men?"

"I always thought they were drinking partners…."

Jaune really did assume it was something like that. Tyrian was the party animal; Watts was the designated driver, Cinder the wild girl, and Hazel being the guy who supplied the extra oomph. While they did seem to agree and almost worship her, Jaune didn't notice any kind of romantic interest between them.

"They're mere henchmen for her. You'll also notice that she reveres most of them. That is until they fail." Ozma leaned back in his chair and down the rest of his mug without stopping to breath.

"You sure that's okay to be drinking all that?" asked Jaune.

Ozma laughed as if he were in a daze and slammed his mug down. "Anything's okay when you're me," he smiled.

"Oh, great!" Jaune heard Amber Fall say from a distance. "Qrow's in here again!"

"I think that's our cue to leave," said Ozma. "Everyone knows that man's presence results in one of us being pulled over. I hope that our talk made a difference."

"Yeah," said Jaune. "Me too."

Jaune returned to his studio apartment while thinking about what Ozma had said. If anybody knew Salem, it would be him. However, something felt off about him and his advice. There had to be a missing piece that he wasn't being honest about. It just seemed too simplistic to think Salem only demanded full allegiance and nothing else. He pulled out an old photograph of Salem that his agent had given him. It was hard to believe such a looker ended up the way she did. Then again, it seemed like every former star ended up looking like her after a while.

KNOCK. KNOCK.

Jaune groaned loudly at the sound of knocks on his door. His agent was probably arriving to tell him that he was to star in somebody's harem fantasy again. Wearily, Jaune walked to his door and opened it.

"I'm not in the mood to hang out with twelve dysfunctional—Pyyrha?"

"Hello again," Pyrrha said with a smile. "I'm here to cheer you up."

"Cheer me up? From what?"

Pyrrha smiled and walked inside Jaune's apartment. "With your unhappiness, of course! You looked so sad in Salem's castle."

"Desperate is more accurate."

"I justwant to make sure you'er happy.

"Thanks, Pyrrha." Jaune warpped his arms around Pyrrha and embraced her in a tight hug. It'd been a while since the two of them had time to each other. Unlike most deceased characters, Pyrrha managed to stay classy. She happened to make more from starring in fanfictions than she did while on RWBY.

"Let's go for a walk," said Pyrrha. She grabbed Jaune's hand and ran outside with him. As they walked out, Jaune thought once more about Salem and if it would ever be possible for them to connect.2


	24. Chapter 24

Pyrrha and Jaune walked through the studio of RWBY, eyeing all the iconic imagery they'd been used to for so long. RWBY studio had two different sides to it that characters would often explore. The one they all worked at and saw frequent updates with was the "New RWBY" studio. The other side was largely abandoned and was mostly used for tour groups and occasional promotions. This side was known as "Vintage RWBY" studio. You could see all the old character models and structures that were once the face of RWBY.

Jaune and Pyrrha looked at all the old buildings they had once spent their entire days in.

"Hard to imagine that it's been so many years," said Jaune.

"I know," said Pyrrha. "Do you ever miss it?"

Jaune stroked his chin for a moment and sighed. All he could remember from those days were the goofy scenes he had to act out all the time. On top of that, accusations were made that his director was trying to make Jaune into a self-insert. Headlines were rampant with accusation like that, including one that said he and Weiss were together.

It was probably a different story for Pyrrha. She was cast as a superstar and even was one for the longest time. Her mailbox had to be replaced twice because all the fan mail would keep breaking it. Jaune, on the other hand, frequently found himself receiving just as much hate mail. Seeing all the familiar sights of Vintage RWBY only conjured up terrible memories.

They began walking some more through the remains of vintage Beacon before catching familiar sight. A small group of former extras walked by to admire the view. The extras of Vintage RWBY were shadowy people who were incapable of showing any type of expression. They had no faces and couldn't speak. They just existed to exist. Jaune and Pyrrha watched as they interacted through hand and arm signals. Every movement was done in unison. It was very uncanny to see.

"You're worried about something," said Pyrrha.

"What?" said Jaune. "N-No I'm not…"

Pyrrha frowned. "You look like you are…"

"Uh…because…um…it's because…."

"You don't need to hide anything from me."

Jaune sighed and sat on the ground. "I'm just struggling to figure out Salem…"

Pyrrha's eyebrows rose. "Salem?"

"Yeah," said Jaune. "We were paired together and I think I'm….I think I'm…."

"Feeling something for her?" asked Pyrrha.

Jaune nodded his head.

Pyrrha sat down next to Jaune and smiled. "I had a good feeling that was the case."

Jaune's jaw dropped. "B-B-B-B-B-B-"

"The way you showed so much concern to her and had a lot more interest that went beyond a simple pairing. I know you and I played a couple at one point, but this sounds like something you're a little more serious about."

"I don't really know what it is," said Jaune. "Salem's anything but pleasant. She tortures people, causes havoc everywhere she goes, murders for her own pleasure—"

"She certainly has a lot of good qualities," Pyrrha mumbled sarcastically.

Jaune ignored what she said and sighed once more. "I just don't know what she wants. Does she like me? Or am I just looking too much into it?"

"I think you just need to try and figure out for yourself. Think about what you and I did during our run on RWBY."

"But that was all scripted…"

"And yet you're acting the same way that you did when we paired up…"

"True…"

"So why not try to figure out her in a similar way, perhaps with less of the awkward mannerisms."

Jaune stood up and looked back at the vintage Beacon tower. It was so barren compared to what they had now. The whole studio was like that. Empty and lacking any life. It was no wonder that there were plans for it to be torn down in order to make room for the new Gen:Lock studio. Jaune gave the palce one last look before walking back with Pyrrha to the current RWBY studio.

It was certainly a change of life to see al the movement and conversation going on within the current RWBY studio. So many agents and actors were going back and forth to their destinations. Jauen and Pyrrha kept their heads down as everybody moved past them.

"I'll take your advice," said Jaune.

"Really?" said Pyrrha. She sounded a little surprised to hear Jaune speak.

"Yes," Jaune nodded. "I'm going to try and be natural. No trying to play detective. No trying to be someone I'm not. I'm going to try and understand Salem naturally. However that's done…."

"how many days until your contract is up?" asked Pyrrha.

"Only two more days," said Jaune. "It's probably not going to be enough."

"You never know," said Pyrrha. They both stopped in front of Pyrrha's apartment complex. She lived in the nicest complex characters could get. These apartments were usually reserved for the biggest stars of RWBY, but Pyrrha was one of the lucky few to keep it beyond her airtime.

"Well, goodbye," Pyrrha said with a friendly wave.

Jaune waved back as the gates to her complex closed in front of him. He walked back to his own complex while thinking of what steps needed to be taken.

He finally arrived at his complex. It wasn't quiet as nice as Pyrrha's, but it was still a pleasant sight. It was a lot better than what some of the lesser-known stars had to put up with.

"The real challenge is going to be figuring out Salem for sure," Jaune said to himself, "and somehow I need to do this within two days."

The lack of confidence in his voice reflected how he felt.


End file.
